You’ll  recall I was contacted by the managing director of Potters, the nursery chain in Surrey.  I sent him a sample of my fruitcakes, and a few days later received an e mail from him with the subject line: “Wow!”  It seems I have another convert as he said he’s definitely going to be placing an order.

I was recently asked by Sarah Lindsay who owns Sweet Art Cakes here in Kelowna to make a six inch round Totally Decadent fruitcake for a wedding.   As I made it yesterday, I realized it’s really time for me to get moving with the business in general.  Whenever I have to do something I do it, but it seems my intrinsic motivation is lacking if I don’t have a specific goal.

However, as I’m going to be schmoozing around with the Lions Club to get orders from them, and as I add new stores, I really do need to get moving with baking.  I know I’ve vowed many times in the past not to wait until I’m near admittance to the psych ward to begin baking.  Let’s see if 2010 is my year to stop the insane procrastinating.

I guess that’s why I’m not as mad at Nicky as I probably should be.  He had one job interview in April, didn’t get the job, and then decided it’s far better to wait until cherry season and get a seasonal job sorting cherries.  He said he could work daily for a few weeks and make the money he needs.

While waiting for cherry season Nicky whiled away his time at the gym, riding the scooter Luke bought, and going to the beach with his girlfriend.  Finally last week the day arrived cherry season was starting, so at 8:00 AM off he went on the scooter to Dendy’s Orchards behind us.

He arrived home at 8:00 PM madder than a wet hen.  He said they were still sorting, but he simply couldn’t stand it any longer and left.  After ranting and raving about the horrible nature of the job, he stated that there was no way he would be returning to that.

Sigh.  Then on top of it he said his girlfriend and her roommates were being visited by a cat that was completely matted.  I said it was cruel to the cat, and that it needed to be shaved.  They phoned a vet, and got a quote of around $120.  I stupidly said I’d pitch in $20 as it’s not even their cat.

Two days later I was told the cat had been shaved, and was duly hosed for my $20.  The next day Nicky informed me the cat had crossed the road, and been killed!  Here I am buying clothes at Value Village, and then having to pony up $20 for a strange caat, only to find out it was all for naught.

I got an e mail from my cousin Heilke, who Nicky and I had visited last year when we were in Germany.  She decided she’s coming for two weeks, starting August 13th.  Unfortunately, we’re living in Nuclear Winter here in the Okanagan Valley from the trapped smoke from surrounding forest fires.

When North Americans are in Europe they want to see ancient cathedrals and castles, and when Europeans are here they want to see wide open spaces.  Wouldn’t you know that she’s coming right in the midst of this annoying new summer trend?

I’ve had a week filled with business promise and social engagements.  A nice man who owns Potters Nurseries in Surrey phoned me to say they’re thinking about carrying my fruitcakes.  Apparently they have four locations, and do a big business at Christmas.  I’ve sent him a promo package, so will be keeping my fingers crossed that he likes my product.

Margaret arrived on Sunday and left on Friday morning, so I tried my best to make a decent dinner for her every night.  I started with barbecued steak, the next day followed by chicken souvlakis and Greek salad.  I made scallops and shrimp in a white wine sauce and salmon stuffed with handfuls of herbs from my garden.

When she left on Friday morning she said the same thing as Bev the previous week: “I feel so relaxed; just like I’ve spent a week at a high-end spa.”  Both of them spent hours reading books from my library while sitting out in my flower garden in the sun.  One day I’m simply going to have to treat myself like a guest around here.

Because I was on my way to Osoyoos on the weekend, I contacted my stores, and can you believe four of them ordered!  That’s about $450 worth of sales just from taking one minute to contact them and ask a simple question.  I delivered fruitcakes on my way south, feeling smug at my diligence.

On Saturday at 12:30 I met four of the women I’ve been friends with since elementary school days.  That made a turn-out of five out of eight, which isn’t bad for our group on short notice.  We met for lunch at the Watermark Resort in Osoyoos and sat outside, enjoying the beautiful Okanagan weather.

When we get together, it’s always as though no time’s gone by, because we’re very comfortable with each other.  Strangely, we all arrive dressed and made-up to the nines, as though we always run around that way.  It’s probably good to have a group like that.  Without standards to maintain one can fall into disrepair rather quickly at our age.

On Saturday evening mom and I attended a Pfingsttag family reunion in Oliver.  My maternal grandmother was born a Pfingsttag, so these are my mom’s cousins and my second cousins.  Because mom’s an only child, she’s always kept in fairly good contact with her cousins, which is fabulous.

The reunion was held at my mom’s cousin Inge and her husband Fred’s house.  They have a large rancher with a big pool, and it was filled with kids of all ages.  On the barbecue there was a large portion of a pig, and some beef as well.  Inside on the tables there was a spread of cold salmon and salads that would easily feed a wedding of 200 guests.

Unfortunately, it was 30 degrees out so I immediately downed a nice cold Bacardi cooler, and then thought I’d better get a grip on myself.  I had a couple of glasses of wine, and then ate as much as I humanly could.  There was carrot cake at the end that was completely unnecessary, but I had that, too.  Aren’t family reunions great?

Gerry, mom’s 95-year-old boyfriend, had a yen for Atlantic lobsters.  So he and mom decided to have them flown in by Purolator for my annual birthday party.  I’d told people about their plans, and while my friend Bev was here she and I were in the Superstore.  She said, “There’s a whole tank full of lobsters right there.”  To which I replied, “So what?  Gerry wants his own delivered from the Maritimes to Osoyoos.”

There were 20 live lobsters and 15 guests.  We each ate one, but one of the guests actually managed to eat two of them.  I was thankful that Jerralynn, who was doing the cooking, said she kills them prior to dropping them into the pot of boiling water.  I really couldn’t stand the thought otherwise.

We ate outside and it was a lovely night.  The dachshunds raced around, making me totally nervous because in the dark a black dog four inches high is very hard to see.  Nicky kept assuring me that the dogs wouldn’t run away, but I’m always neurotically focused on them and where they are.

Margaret’s here for a week so tomorrow I’ll be back in Osoyoos once again because she loves seeing South Okanagan wineries and having lunch with mom and Gerry.  I told her there’s a ton of Jerralynn’s delicious leftover baked goods from the party waiting for us, too.

Once again, as a result of my monthly newsletter, I got some orders.  I also spoke with Don, the nice man from the Lions, and he said he liked my fruitcake, and wants me to present to their club at their next meeting.  If I can wow them at the meeting, then I’m sure they’ll want to sell my fruitcakes at Christmas.  I’m finding the idea of being a provider of a fund-raising item quite intriguing.

Less intriguing is the surprise visit I got last week from the new health inspector.  I saw a young gal come into the yard, and thought she must be a friend of Nicky’s.  Wrong.  She’s the health inspector!  She was super nice, though, and just said I’m due for an inspection.

You’re reading this going, “so what?”  I, however, will have to work like a frightened idiot for days to get the entire area all spiffed and 100% ready for the inspection.  If you knew how much other stuff I have to do right now you’d actually feel sorry for me and come and help me organize.

Then to top it off, when Margaret arrived yesterday afternoon I asked her if she wanted to try a new Margarita recipe.  I made us a couple of insanely stiff drinks, mostly tequila and Cointreau and a bit of lime and lemon juice.  After we had those, we had white wine.  Finally, I said, “Let’s have Kahlua and cream!”  So I’m sorry to say when I woke up this morning I felt like a recently thawed corpse.

Too bad for me, as I’ve had to spend the hot day watering, sitting at the hairdresser’s feeling like death, and generally working around the house in a clammy sweat.  Oh well, tomorrow’s bound to be a much better day.

You may recall that in December of last year I took samples to a man named Don, a member of the Lions Club.  The Lions sell fruitcakes as a fundraiser, and I’ve tasted theirs and thought, “Oh dear.”  I told Don I was hoping the Lions would sell my fruitcakes instead, and told him I’d contact him in the New Year.

I’ve since sent him two pithy e mails requesting his opinion on whether or not the Lions want to sell my fruitcakes.  Since I hadn’t heard, I thought they probably didn’t want them.  Imagine how thrilled I was to come home to a message from Don asking me to call him!

As I can’t imagine he’d go to all the trouble of phoning to say ‘no thanks’, I’m quite hopeful as I wait for him to reply to my message.  It’d be really great as they’d have a finite number that they’d order, so one wouldn’t receive a nervous breakdown wondering how many they were suddenly going to need during the season.

I’m thinking it’s just a fabulously lucky time of year for me, as tomorrow is my 56th birthday.  You know how every seven years we apparently go through major changes?  My 56th year on Earth seems to be taking off with a huge amount of promise, and as ever, I’m ga ga with excitement over life.

I just spent four magical days in Vancouver at the Coast Plaza Hotel on Comox Street.  I had a room on the 34th floor, looking out over the harbour and towards UBC.  It’s a great hotel because you’re right at the edge of Stanley Park so you can walk for hours.

I noticed in the restaurants that goat cheese is still the ubiquitous ingredient on every salad and pizza, and in every sauce.  Many of you are saying, “So what? I love goat cheese,” however, some of us do not.  I just can’t eat a product that has the same smell as the coat of the animal.

I’m not sure why, but I went to Winners while on my trip and bought a dress.  Who knew?  But that’s what I always say about the beauty of shopping.  It’s like hunting.  You never know what you’re going to bag.

Today it’s back to the usual routine.  I’m going up and down to the vegetable garden every ten minutes moving the sprinkler.  Then I move the two upper hoses around.  I was a bit dismayed to see that most of the broccoli died while I was away.  But then I thought, that’s what the fruit and vegetable market around the corner is for.

So now I have to think positive thoughts as I wait for Don to let me know if I’ll have the Lions Club as a customer.  As you know, they’re all over BC, so this could turn into something interesting.  Like I said, my 56th year is starting out with some decent potential.

There’s nothing like speaking to others as a great way to mine important pieces of information.  I pity the fool who remains quiet and alone, not communicating with anyone, because they’re never going to learn anything.  Thank God I’m the opposite, and like to speak to everyone around me.

As a result, I know most of the women at the gym by name.  We’re like a living history of how the popularity of names change.  For instance, there’s a woman in her 70’s named Doreen, women my age who are named Kathy or Lorraine, then those in their 30’s named Candace or Jana.

The little gals in their 20’s are all Brittneys and Ashleighs, of course.  I suppose those coming next will have the unfortunate names of Serenity and Midnight.  I know I’m showing my age, but I have to say this recent fetish of naming kids after common nouns has really thrown me.

Anyway, you may recall me waxing poetic some time ago about how wonderful it would be to have bee hives.  Imagine my surprise when I was chatting away to a nice woman at the gym named Lorraine, and it turns out she’s a beekeeper!  She said she was an elementary school teacher for ten years, but is now involved in the honey business.

I told her I’d like a hive, as I live on an acre of land, and she said, “You could have 20 hives!”  I think I may just start small, though.  I asked her about swarming, and she said swarming was wonderful and everyone loves it.  I’d read a swarm can be dangerous, but she said piffle to all of that.

So now my dream may indeed come true, and I’m going to have my very own bees!  It’s strange, yet wonderful how the Law of Attraction works, isn’t it?  You imagine something, plan on it, envision it with joy, and voila!  Bee hive!

No similar luck with the N’Kmip project, however, despite hard envisioning.  I delivered fruitcakes to Terwilligers and the VQA Wine Centre in Penticton last week, so toddled down to Osoyoos to try again at N’Kmip.  I’ve now been three times, and so far, they still don’t carry my product.  However, look at my success in conjuring up the bees!  One day I’ll be in their market.

Marilyn and I baked again last Tuesday, and it seemed less gruelling than the previous Sunday.  In total, we made around 335 fruitcakes, which I then vacuum sealed while watching Dr. Oz followed by Dr. Phil.  I must say having a TV in my kitchen has made life quite a lot more pleasant because I now learn as I work.

I know how frightening it is to check for my new blog on a Sunday and not find it.  However, yesterday Marilyn and I were slugging it out, baking as many fruitcakes as we could.  I can only describe the experience as similar to deciding to push your car home, rather than driving it.

To make Okanagan Harvest cakes, I have to have all the bags of fruit ready to go.  I start by shopping for the fruit and nuts, and get cases of apples, pears, and apricots.  Then I have to go to a different store for the butter, eggs, flour and sugar, and finally the licquor store for brandy and rum.

The pears and apples have to be chopped into small pieces, and I do this by hand with shears.  The apricots can be chopped in the food processor.  Then I measure the fruit, cook it briefly with apple juice, and put it into plastic bags.  After that, I have to put sheets of almonds into the oven to gently brown them.

When Marilyn comes, we use the prepared fruit and nuts, but still have to make the dough, and also chop the two kinds of chocolate.  The pans have to be sprayed, and the older ones lined in parchment as well.  Once we get going, we’re like automatons.  We fill pans, put them into the oven, make more dough, remove baked cakes, and stack them on the baking racks.

Once cool, the cakes are de-panned, poked with a skewer, and soaked with rum.  They’re then placed into plastic bags, which are then vacuum-sealed.  Later on, these go into my little white boxes, onto which I’ve stuck the front and back labels.  Did I mention the cleaning of the pans and kitchen at the end of the baking day?

You know what I said to Marilyn?  I just love it when people tell me the fruitcakes are too expensive.  One day some poor fool’s going to tell me the product is too expensive, and a few seconds later they’re going to be walking away with a black eye.  Why I ever wanted to get into the artisan food business I will never know.

A nice woman from The Bay e mailed me a couple of weeks ago and inquired about my fruitcakes.  I e mailed back to ask her if she was thinking of ordering tens of thousands, but she replied that she was thinking of trying only 50 – 100 in a few stores.

I sent her my information sheet, and in reply she sent me The Bay’s forms for food suppliers.  I laughed when I looked through the pages and pages of information they wanted, including insane stuff like, “% moisture content.”  I e mailed back with a pithy message:  Look, I’m an artisan baker, and have no clue what the moisture content is, or any of that other stuff!

Of course getting into The Bay would push the value of the company up exponentially, but certainly at the expense of the proprietor’s sanity.  I know you’ll want to have me committed anyway for my lack of vision, but to me, it’s just not worth it!

When Margaret was here earlier this month, and I was dropping her off for her talk on social media, she said she was a bit nervous.  I said, “Just pray for the Muse of Public Speaking to descend upon you.”  I’ve often told people that I ask for various muses to descend upon me, and when they ask what happens, I can honestly reply, “They usually do.”

So, when I prayed for the Muse of Motivation to descend upon me this week, it (or perhaps she) mercifully did.  I finally took inventory of how much baking supplies I have on hand, and realized I don’t have enough tins.  I vaguely recall throwing away a hundred or so in December, but Step 2 – re-ordering, had alluded me.

So much better to know all of this now, before Marilyn comes barreling up the driveway, ready to bake.  Besides quickly ordering more tins, I placed a large order at the bulk foods store, and have asked for new labels to be designed for the Totally Decadent Fruitcakes.  Once I have those, all my labels will hopefully be done.

You can imagine the amount of coercion required to get me to do that, so off to the clothing stores I went.  I started at the sainted Bay, where I surprised myself entirely by buying a bathing suit.  Where that came from, I have no idea!  As it was 30% off, I immediately spent the money I’d saved at my favourite consignment store.  I bought a pair of adorable Liz Claiborne pants and floral-printed Susan Bristol shift.

Unfortunately, as with all addicts, opening the door a tiny bit is a complete mistake.  The next day I went to my second-favourite consignment store, and as they had 50% off all shoes, I bought a to-die-for pair of pink sandals.  On the shelf they had the most gorgeous bag, and the woman said it was a Gucci, and was around $350.

She said, “Would you like to hold it?”  I, being much cagier than the saleslady, declined.  I said, “If I go to the SPCA to look at kittens I don’t hold them, either.”  When I got home I told Nicky and his girlfriend about the great bag.  Taya said her mother (an antiques dealer) found a Gucci purse at a garage sale for $10.  The owner said she’d paid $3,000.

Taya said it was in a ‘weird’ colour of yellow, and the lining was dirty, so though her mother had given it to her, she never used it.  I said, “You give me that bag right away.”  And she said she would!  I’ll keep you posted on that, for sure.

Since early March the Muse of Dieting has remained, and I think this has added a new dimension to shopping.  Now I say to myself that I ‘need’ this or that item, and so you can imagine the predicament I’m now in.  I ‘need’ new clothes, and I want motivation to bake, so the hunger is insatiable.

However, as long as the muses keep me shopping for baking supplies, ordering new labels, and marketing to stores, then I guess that’s just the price one has to pay.

I’m as rigid as a piece of chalk, so change is something I avoid at all costs.  Same thing with surprises.  So it was quite astonishing that I actually did something very spontaneous, and dropped everything to attend the Celebrity Wine Festival in Osoyoos over the weekend.

I was minding my own business on Thursday when I was called by my friend Marie.  She said a friend had won tickets in a contest to this event, and couldn’t go.  I told her that I’m not much of a fan of these types of things, but she said I simply had to accompany her.

We left on Friday morning, arriving at my mom’s at noon for lunch.  When I had said to Marie, “You’ll meet my 85-year-old mom and her 95-year-old boyfriend” she said she thought she was going to be meeting typical geriatrics.  However, after a few minutes, Marie said she was just crazy for mom and Gerry, because they’re both so adorable.

We then headed to town to the Watermark Resort, where we had a large two-bedroom suite, all courtesy of the contest.  We went down to the pool, and lounged for a while before getting ready for the first event, a so-called ‘beach party.’

The organizers had cleverly arranged for free shuttle buses to the events, so we hopped onto the bus at 6:00 PM, and were soon joined by a group of women.  They immediately asked us if we were media, to which we replied that we were just ordinary schlubs.

However, these women were from Savour Magazine, which I’ve been trying to get into!  Guess what?  The editor wants to talk to me about getting into their fall issue!  It was just so lucky to be on that bus at that time.

The first event was a total snooze, involving standing and trying various wines while eating tiny bits of food.  We had to google Jason Priestley on Marie’s Ipad to see what the celebrity looked like, and once we spotted him we felt we had fulfilled our obligation.

On Saturday we had tickets to the gala dinner at Spirit Ridge, the huge N’Kmip Indian band’s winery and resort.  Tickets for this event sold for $250 each!

We had five courses of food, paired with so much wine that Marie and I started to get behind with our pairings.  Eventually, I had to just fob some of it off on the nice couple from Edmonton at our table.

Needless to say, I awoke this morning feeling like a small subway train had run over my head.  Marie had to drive my car back to Kelowna, with me reclined in the passenger seat.  With the excellent contact I made at Savour Magazine, I figure it was all worthwhile.

Doesn’t it seem like yesterday when Luke was home?  You may recall me saying I was cooking and cleaning like a lunatic, and it feels like it was just two minutes ago.  Yet, it was actually two months ago, and he’s home once again!  Not that I begrudge my beloved child a visit, but honestly.

This morning a made a dozen trips up and down the stairs, retrieving half-full cans of beer, a partially eaten package of Camembert, tipped Slurpee cups, and bowls caked with God knows what.  When Luke comes home, he arrives very hungry.  I guess that’s what home is for, so I have to stop being so resistant to it all.

My friend and sister-in-law, Margaret, was also here because she was giving a talk on social media.  She said she uses me as a test case, and as I’m too dumb to know almost everything she mentions, she said she knows people in ‘my demographic,’ ie old, need her help.

As you may recall, she’s the one who talked me into doing the monthly newsletter and to get onto Twitter and Facebook.  I love her newest idea for my business, which is to make videos and put them on my site.  Wouldn’t that be hilarious?  People everywhere could see me driving off, Ricky perched on my neck.

But seriously, Margaret said I could be filmed making various recipes, which could be helpful to some people.  She admitted that even though my recipes involve only four or five steps, they’re too complicated for her.  I often like to tease her about things like that, but then she reminds me that she has 2,000 followers on Twitter, so I shut up.

So, I guess that shows you that what one person considers the height of idiocy, such as not knowing how Twitter can help you in business, or conversely, not being able to produce Yorkshire puddings, is highly individual.  I asked Luke if he knew how to zip e mails, and he looked at me as though I was asking him if he knew how to count to three.

Mercifully, Luke and Michelle left for a trip to Vegas today, and won’t return until Wednesday.  That means I have a few days where I can work my way through piles of debris and that’ll hopefully enable me to clear my mind enough to do some more marketing.  I still haven’t called N’Kmip to see if they want to carry my product!

I e mailed Marilyn and asked her if she’d be able to help me bake a bit.  I know I had previously decided I could work away at baking on my own.  But surprise!  I haven’t done one damn bit of baking, so obviously I need to have Marilyn driving up to the house at an appointed time and date.  However, I see this problem-solving ability as just another sign of intelligence, however small.

As you’ll recall, five weeks ago I placed a gun to my head and forced myself to go to a bunch of wineries and gift stores.  As a result, I have 10 stores in the Okanagan carrying Okanagan Harvest Cake right now.  So on Friday, I decided it was time to re-visit these stores, and to drop in on another few.

My new philosophy of marketing involves a lot more direct contact with the customer.  I know I’m supposed to be tweeting and using social media to build business, but I’m just too stupid.  However, I’m skilled at speaking the English language, and so find that the personal touch is probably the better route for me.

On this trip I made some great connections.  One of them was with the owner of SummerlandSweets/Sleeping Giant Fruit Winery.  They always rent a kiosk in Orchard Park Mall for the Christmas season.  In conversation, I mentioned that I’d love to have my fruitcakes at their kiosk, and the owner said they’d definitely consider it!

Then I dropped samples and promotional materials at my other stores, and did a sales pitch at Hester Creek Winery in Oliver and the new market at the N’Kmip complex in Osoyoos.  Both would be fabulous, so I’ll phone next week and hope that they want to give the product a whirl.

I made a sale at Tin Horn Creek Winery and Handworks Gallery in Oliver, and the Bench in Penticton had only three fruitcakes left.  So you can see that the product is starting to move, and I’m very hopeful that it becomes known as a great souvenir from the Okanagan as well as wonderful to eat with a bottle of wine.

On Monday I want to return to the stores here in Kelowna, and I want to market to a new winery as well.  Sadly, this selling has precipitated a need for baking.  Where’s that gun?  I now haven’t baked since December, and feel completely unable to do so.  Isn’t the cottage food industry great?

I suppose it’s just as well, as keeping myself occupied should keep me away from the whipping cream filled meringues that I long to eat.  Margaret’s coming this week for a couple of nights, so I’ll make some gourmet meals for her.  I just hope I can keep a grip on myself with the desserts.

Because really, do you want a fruitcake salesperson coming to you who weighs a couple of hundred pounds?  I think not.  I believe one of the great secrets of selling a product whose calorie count exceeds Jennifer Hudson’s total daily allowance is to make it appear as though it’s completely low-cal.