Honest to God, one day melts into the next, and I rarely know what day of the week it is.  I find the gym helpful that way, as I can usually recall whatever workout I’ve been at and then it helps me remember what day it is.  IE if I’ve done Denise’s class, it must be Tuesday.

On sunny days I can see how filthy the house is, so I’ve been cleaning things such as the China cabinets.  I took out all the items, cleaned them, dusted the shelves and cleaned the glass panels, and then put all of the dear things back.  A very small minority were culled.  It’s been a very satisfying activity.

When I was cleaning one of the cabinets I was reminded of the quail egg that exploded inside there last spring.  Though a tiny egg, its innards sure spread far inside that shelf.  There was dried egg yolk on many surfaces including my little antique clocks.

I was thrilled when I found that intact egg, as most are damaged from the fall.  This one was pristine, so I thought it’d look adorable among my antiques.

The sun shines in through the dining room window and streams into the cabinet, so of course one day due all of the heat, pow, the egg blew.  And it took days before I really looked over there and went what the heck’s up with that egg?  Then I looked at the shelf where it sat and saw the blown contents.

I thought I’d gotten rid of all of the egg yolk, but any forensics expert will tell you it’s pretty hard to get rid of all the evidence.  Which reminds me, I’ve been watching a series called Forensics which profiles a new murder in each episode and then shows how forensics helped solve the case.

This may or may not be overkill, but I bought two disposable underwater cameras for my trip to Hawaii.  That would be a lot of fish encounters at 54 shots.  But Renate and her husband are taking me to a marine reserve called Hanauma Bay to snorkel and the websites say the water’s teeming with fish.

I asked Renate if they like herring, and of course they do as she’s German and he’s Danish.  I said I plan to make my granny’s herring salad while there.  This is so ethnic, and if you don’t like herring, you’d really hate this.  But it’s just a mixture of chopped hard boiled eggs, cooked potatoes and beets, dill pickles and pickled herring, mixed with a good amount of mayonnaise.

Just like last Friday, today the nice chiropractor said to me, “So do you have any exciting plans for the weekend?”  As usual, I had to try and figure out where in the week we were so I could answer appropriately and quickly recalled it was Friday.

I said something to the effect of you must be joking, as I felt explaining feeling wild with excitement over a cleaning project would fall flat.

However next Friday when I see him I’m going to be able to answer, “Well yes actually I’m off to Hawaii to snorkel with crazy big groups of lovely fish.”

When Denis came over on Boxing Day, you’ll recall I’d made a pot roast.  The three of them like lashings of mashed potatoes and Yorkshire pudding covered in gravy.  They were sitting together at one of the table, which seats six, there were two empty chairs, and then I sat at the opposite end to Denis.  IE our old spots.

As soon as we started eating Wrecks jumped onto the table beside me, as is our custom, and I began giving him small bits of meat which he was eating on the tablecloth.  The three of them were screaming “ew” and making all sorts of disparaging remarks about my cat.  I replied calmly, “Why does it hurt you when my cat and I enjoy dining together?”

Even though Denis and Nicky hadn’t done a thing, Luke replied, “I don’t see any one of you three getting girlfriends or boyfriends any time soon.”  How insulting!  I said I already have two boyfriends, my dog and this cat.

It snowed for 24 hours, starting on Sunday and ending on Monday afternoon, causing a record snowfall.  It’s the most snow that’s fallen in that amount of time in 40 years.  It took me yesterday and today, shovelling in twenty minute increments, to be able to get my car out of the carport and onto the driveway.  Nicky did the long hill of the drieway, but it’s still coated in compact snow, so if it freezes it’ll be like a skating rink.

In a way it’s been great as I saved a bunch of money just by staying home.  I missed the gym, but then with two hours of shovelling I probably expended as many calories as I do in the classes.  And God knows our homes store enough food for months, never mind three days, so there hasn’t been any noticeable lack of anything.

But tomorrow I have the chiro at 10:40 so I simply have to get out of here.  I’m going to take my friend Phyllis’ advice and start seeing a chiro to work on the migraines.  She said try it, and certainly I want to do anything necessary to be rid of them.  When I was in Osoyoos Dr. Hamilton visited and said over time a lot of people just get too old for them and they seem to stop on their own.  Hallelujah!

Did I tell you I’m off to Hawaii for a week on January 26th?  I’m very excited as I’ve never been to Oahu before.  I’ll be staying with Renate and her husband Peter, as they’re based there for three years while he manages a golf course.  Otherwise they live in Palm Springs, and you’ll recall that was the site of our reunion last year.

Because I was in a bit of a funk, likely as a hangover from the flu, I started re-reading the Power of Now.  Have you read it?  You really should as it helps a person get a grip on stupid thoughts which none of us need to be having in the first place.  Why recall negative things as it does nothing except ruin your present, otherwise good moment?

I was glad I’d read the book about the 33 trapped Chilean miners just prior to this snowstorm.  I had read about their hellish 69 days in a scalding hot, humid, dark mine, and how they’d still work and dig at the rocks.  It helped me persevere shovel after shovel of snow when I wanted to pack it in entirely and just stay here until March.

Never mind, in less than three weeks I’ll be on the beach, not giving a whit about snow.  I sent a link about the snowstorm to Renate so she’ll understand my joy upon arrival.

It seems grossly unfair, doesn’t it?  I got every single person’s cookies made, gifts bought and sent, and then became horribly sick with the flu.  So I had to spend the days before, during and after Christmas feeling really bad.

Luckily we’d planned to spend it at mom’s, so I didn’t have to clean, as I wouldn’t have been able to.  Nicky drove my car to Osoyoos and I sat in the back with the dog, leaning my head back onto a comfy pillow.

We arrived at 1:00 on the 24th and I put the brisket into the oven by 2:00.  Mom’s house was filled with visitors all afternoon.  Nicky stayed at the pink house with Luke so they partied around up there to their heart’s content.

Mom, Luke, Nicky and I had a quiet Christmas Eve of opening a handful of gifts and then eating the brisket and roasted potatoes.  It was fine, though uneventful.  The kids were somewhat surprised no one had bought them anything!!  I said hey you said you didn’t want anything, and then I got sick right at the time I might have bought them something.

Too bad.  But they make many times more money than either mom or I, so they can just go and buy their own dreck.  I don’t know what they want anymore.  I made Luke buy me an ice cream maker and Nicky bought me an exercise bike, so that’s the main thing.

On Christmas Day mom had invited Hamiltons and Millers, and they arrived at 4:00 PM.  We ate a traditional turkey dinner but sadly the turkey made so little liquid there was a tiny amount of gravy.  I was quite traumatized by that.

I haven’t had a drop of alcohol since early November, so that’s been an interesting way to live.  I still have migraines about two days a month, so I’m still trying to figure out what the heck is causing them.  They’re so annoying you have no idea.

So even though Christmas Day used to mean a bad hangover in the past, hangovers are now over.  That helped, as a hangover plus the flu would’ve made the dinner preparation even more challenging than it already was.

Luke, Nicky and I drove home on Boxing Day and Denis came over for a pot roast dinner.  The kids would rather die than eat leftovers so I made a nice Tupperware container for him to take home as he adores them.

Because of this horrible flu I haven’t walked the poor dog in a week, and thought I might today.  However with this wet snow he arrives home dripping, and I have to carry him straight into the tub where I shower off his undercarriage as best I can.  Nicky says he’s like a small yak.  He’s a lot like a mop.

I sold all but 3 fruitcakes so that was a good year as I hate having a lot of inventory leftover.  Even though in theory fruitcakes improve with age, I really don’t like to have old ones around as to me the new ones are always better.

My New Year’s resolutions are to conquer these migraines, and also to stop catastrophizing the things I have to do anyway.  Just get busy and get them done.

I had often dreamed of owning an aquarium, as I thought it’d be very relaxing to watch the fish darting about.  Then I had the good fortune of babysitting my house painter’s fish tanks, and that cured me of any desire to ever own fish.  They’re filthy, stink, and are a lot of work.

The house painter’s one of those people who’s decided I’m one of his best friends, so asked if I’d watch the fish and frogs while he went to Banff for six weeks to paint a resort.  I said sure, thinking how much trouble can this be?

To clean the fish and frog crap from between the rocks I tried to use the stupid hand pump and hose, and soon had water all over my office’s wood floor.  I hadn’t realized the hose had come right out of the pail.  I swore mightily.

After six weeks of this I was ever so glad to see the back of the fish tanks.  I realize now aquarium ownership will never be something I yearn for again.  So in the end it was a handy learning experience.

Too bad it doesn’t work that way with babies.  One babysits and visits friends with kids, or sees their own siblings cope with them, and you go, “How hard can this be?”  But then you’re allowed to leave the hospital with a baby and you realize you haven’t got the faintest idea what to do with this thing.

Certainly in a food business one is very accustomed to people wanting to sample the product prior to making a commitment.  When my fruitcakes were in stores I’d give them samples for staff to hand out, or else sometimes I’d stand in a store for a couple of hours with samples.  But now that I’m selling soley on-line, there’s no opportunity for people to try them first.

Today someone e mailed me “Is there a place where I can sample your fruitcakes?”  I replied, “No there isn’t.  You just have to make a leap of faith.”  No reply.  I’m not interested in cutting up fruitcakes for people to try.

It’d be odd.  The prospective customer would have to drive over to my house, and then I’d watch them try a sample, and if they didn’t like it, would they say, “I don’t like it, good-bye?”  It seems easier in a store.

A couple of days ago I bought a fruitcake made by some young girl who was at the corner store with a table of baked goods.  She was trying to raise funds for her classmates and herself to get to an event in New York.  I saw her beautifully-iced round fruitcake, wrapped in cellophane and topped with a red bow, and I had to have it.  No samples were offered or requested.

Denis is going to pick me up on Saturday as I want to go to a Christmas tree farm and cut a live tree.  He has a pickup so offered to help me with this project.  Last weekend he put up my Christmas lights.  He’s an extremely helpful ex-husband, unlike many I hear about.

And finally, I’m finished with the season’s baking, so if I run out it’ll teach people a very valuable lesson.  I’ve had inquiries and have set aside cakes for those who ordered.  But for those who need to try it first, I’m afraid they’re likely going to be out of luck.

My dad befriended Harry Hesketh sometime in the 1940’s when he and Freda arrived in Osoyoos.  My dad had arrived in 1929 and bought 12 acres of land, which he cleared, and which became the orchard.  The land beside ours was for sale, so dad talked Harry into buying it.

Dad cleared the land for Harry, who was a returning war vet.  He and Freda then built a house there, and they and my mom and dad were fast friends for decades.  I grew up with the Hesketh kids and spent a lot of time riding horses with Bonnie, five years my senior, and playing with Laurie, one year my senior.  Freddie spent a lot of time hanging out with Gerry who is two years younger than him.

The Heskeths came to our house every single Christmas Eve, and every Christmas Day we were invited there for turkey dinner.  These are fantastic memories for me, because it was like having an extended family with whom to share traditions.

Our little family was just comprised of my granny and grampa, my parents, Freddie and me.  The same with the Heskeths, as it was just the five of them with no extended family here either.  When we combined the two families it became a huge event.

Bonnie and I owned horses, so we rode all over the mountains surrounding Osoyoos.  We explored far away lakes tucked into the hills, never seeing another soul for the entire day.

Imagine the beauty of that life.  There were no cell phones, and no one knew where we were, but just assumed we’d arrive home safely, as we always did.  No wonder my memories of growing up in Osoyoos are so idyllic.

Laurie and I would get into a lot of mischief.  For awhile the Heskths had cows and a barn, and there was a mammoth pulp shoot leading down to the corral.  One afternoon we decided it’d be fun to actually walk down the shoot!  I remember the thousands of slivers embedded into my arm from the rough pine as I’d slipped.

Another bit of fun was taking the lids off the Rist’s bee hives.  On that day, I remember stepping right into a pile of cactus, and seeing Laurie convulsed with laughter.  We then saw the hives, and I dared Laurie to take off the lid, which he did.  Moments later we were both running and screaming , getting stung all over from the angered bees.

I wasn’t allowed to ride the Hesketh’s crazy horse, Heidi, but did so anyway and of course was bucked off, got a bruised kidney, and had to go to the hospital for 10 days.  And who would I have been with for this bit of shenanigans?  Laurie, of course.

So when mom said there was going to be a bench dedication ceremony for Freda and Harry, both Freddie and I said we’d be there.  This was last Wednesday.  Members of the Legion were there in uniform, as Freda is huge in the Legion.

After the outdoor ceremony (quite chilly!) with Freda bundled up in her wheel chair, we went to the Legion for some cake.  Bonnie and Laurie were there, but Gerry was still picking grapes so couldn’t make it.  Imagine picking in that frigid temperature.

http://www.osoyoostimes.com/local-woman-earns-recognition-award/

The women at the gym find most of my stories quite amusing, and today’s description of how I ended up with shoulder impingement from a mammogram was another one of them.  The great part of it was the look of horror on the twenty-something year old girl’s face as I described the incident.

It was basically the same story I told the chiropractor on Thursday when I arrived with an immobile arm and painful shoulder.  He asked what happened, and I replied, “Mammogram.”  He looked puzzled and quizzed me about what other things I might have done to cause it, but I assured him I’d done nothing else, and it was the mammogram that had done in my shoulder.

This morning at the gym I mimicked the movement of a person’s arm for the mammogram and said to the women, “You know when you grab the bar up here, and then wham!” and at this point I slapped my hands together vertically and horizontally to demonstrate the action of the plates.

This was when the twenty something year old winced, but the older women were laughing away merrily over the recollection.  I said I guess as I was holding my arm at an odd angle I caused a muscle strain and subsequent inflammation.

The chiropractor did the usual, he nearly killed me.  He had me lie on my back, and then massaged the horribly sore front of the shoulder area until I said, “If you keep doing that I’m gonna punch you in the face because this is so painful I can’t stand it.”  He just laughed, but one of these days, Pow!  Right to the moon, Alice.

But speaking of other-worldly behaviour, another story eliciting great mirth from the women at the gym was the sad tale of my blind date last Friday.  On Monday everyone asked how it had gone, and I replied, “Good, until he got the impaired driving charge.”

Isn’t that incredible?  Most people try hard to be on their best behaviour on a first date, but then everyone’s different, I guess.  When you’re slurring, it’s not that attractive.  I was stone cold sober, looking at this person and thinking there won’t be a date #2.

After he dropped me off (I was glad to make it home alive) I said to Nicky and Luke, who were both downstairs, “Interesting.  That man is totally impaired, yet driving off on a Friday night that also happens to be Halloween.”

I guess I was never so surprised by a message as the one I received when I got home from the gym on Saturday morning.  The man said he’d been charged with impaired driving and is car was impounded!  Oh my God, I laughed all weekend.

You know what I’m like around stuff like that.  Mom says I have the worst Schadenfreude of anyone she knows.  But really, when you’re 60 years old and still driving drunk I don’t know if you should expect anything but laughter and derision from people when caught.  I certainly wasn’t sorry to hear another drunk driver’s been removed from the roads.

Louie and I were out for our daily walk the other day when we ran into a nice couple and their chocolate lab.  The man said he’d grown up with four or five miniature dachshunds, and said they were red short hairs.  He said “One of them was just like a badger, eh?  If you even looked at him while he was eating he’d come at ya like this” and he demonstrated with teeth bared and hands made into claws.

I told him about my three short-haired dachshunds, and what vicious animals they were, and said how completely different Louie the long hair is.  Whereas the three short-haired hounds would race to the door, hackles raised, ready to attack, Louie races to the door wagging his tail and ready to accept any friend or burglar who might show up.

And what a thrill this little dog’s going to get on Friday when Nicky returns home from Taiwan.  Do you remember how I told you in July Nicky was off to teach English for a year?  It turns out he didn’t like it, and is homesick, so there you go.

So that ends my time of peace and quiet on Hall Road.  It was short-lived at four months, and you’ll recall I completely re-decorated the basement, thinking he’d be gone for a year.

The theme of the basement is feminine and largely white.  I cleaned everything out of his bedroom and re-decorated it into a guest room.  The living room couches were hauled to the dump and a lovely brocade couch and chair were bought.

The bathroom fibreglass stall was torn out, and I had tile setters build a new shower stall and I bought a darling white ruffled shower curtain for it.  The curtain hooks are porcelain daisies.  It’s all just adorable.

Never mind.  I’m sure four months away plus living with a room mate for the first time in his life have taught him something about keeping a place clean.

Remember last week I told you I have to visit a massage therapist regularly to get rid of sciatic joint pain?  Now I found a chiropractor who I think is going to do a better job and I’ll go to him instead for a few treatments to see if he can get rid of it.

I like his methods, as I Googled SI pain and what can be done, so when he did what I’d read about, I felt reassured.  None of it feels very good, but I think when the pelvic bone is completely immobile it’s going to take some work to get that thing loosened up.

He had me lie on my side, and said to lift my leg toward my chest.  He then slammed his body down on my side, springing back mightily and almost hitting the wall.  He said, “Wow, that’s a lot tighter than I thought!”  I said eleven years at the gym seems to have produced a body of steel.

I screamed several times and when I left to pay the receptionist, who happens to be a pal from the gym, she said, “Were you screaming?  I heard screaming.”  I said, “Yes I was screaming because that hurt like a son of a bitch.”  But I’m okay with it as I think it’ll help me in the long run.  We’ll see, won’t we?

Because I’m an old cripple I now have to haul my carcass into massage therapy regularly.  If I drive for over an hour my right leg is in so much pain I have to grab the thigh with my hand while I’m driving and try to focus.  So now I see a lovely young woman who does evil, painful things to my muscles, and yet I return for more.

I don’t know what part of her body she’s using as of course one is face-down.  It feels sharp, so maybe she’s leaning on my back with her elbow, silently mouthing the words to the music playing softly in the background.  Sometimes I gasp out the words, “Oh my God, this is so painful”, and her reply is “good.”

But I suppose this is why one gets out of the wholesale manufacture of fruitcakes.  The boxes of fruit, flour and sugar weigh a lot coming the house, and then the fruitcakes weigh a lot leaving the house.  This is why I have to attend the gym like a religious fanatic attends church.

On Thursday the Woman’s Place Gym had their annual fashion show, so Kathy and I went.  We met at Moxie’s for a drink, and arrived right at 6:30 when the doors opened and we got our seats.  They had appies and wine, and a draw for gifts.

Each time I walked past the ticket box I put my name on another card and stuffed it in. I think I must’ve had at least 8 tickets in there, and there were a total of 120 women at the event.

I don’t know if this is the Power of Intention, or ballot box stuffing, but I won a $50 gift certificate to a chi chi clothing store called Bella.  Oh what I could do at thrift with $50.  I think I’ll be wandering around Bella for a long time.  Fun!

Margaret was here for a few days and we shopped like mad fools at all of the thrift stores.  I got a brand new pair of never worn Naturalizer brown flats for $5, and they’re fab with my one dollar Simon Chang jeans.  It’s always hard to go wrong with Simon Chang.

I thought this was brilliant, as I made a stuffed turkey for Margaret and me the day before she arrived.  Then the next night I just made mashed potatoes and vegies, and warmed up the turkey, stuffing and gravy.

The next day after our morning of shopping we came home and had another turkey dinner for lunch.  That night I ponied up a pork dish for a break, but the next night we had turkey dinner again.  Margaret had a bottle of wine that night and was hungover, so she had turkey dinner for lunch so she’d have the strength to get on the plane to fly home.

I then drove to Osoyoos and mom said we were  going to the Best Western for their buffet dinner, and of course it was turkey as it was Thanksgiving.  I don’t think I’e ever eaten so many turkey dinners in my entire life.  I loved it though.

I remember when both kids were born, and they still had somewhat real food in the hospital.  I always ordered turkey dinner.  It’s so comforting anyway, and especially after giving birth it’s a reminder that even though you’ve been through Hell, there is turkey dinner at the end of it all as reward.

You know how I’m always buying stuff at thrift stores, and that’s because so many things can’t be bought there, so it helps balance things out.  For example, my muffler fell off and had to be replaced, the washing machine is on its way out, as evidenced by the loud squealing noise, and the dog was just at the vet’s for removal of spear grass from his ear.

I’m happy to say I belong to a family of thrift store shoppers as mom and I found out last weekend when we visited Freddie and Wendy in Maple Ridge.  The girls, Sunny and Julie, came over with their husbands and children, and we all had a merry old time.

In conversation it soon became apparent that scouring thrift stores is what Schillers like to do.  We come by it honestly as my dad liked nothing better than to roam the Osoyoos dump, looking for treasures.  We still have the silver sets he found dumped by old Mr. and Mrs. Horner’s kids.

But really, the spear grass removal was one of the stupidest things I’ve ever agreed to.  The vet said he’d have to put the dog to sleep, and so I had to fast the dog and bring him into the clinic at 8:30 AM.  Then the girl said to pick him up at 4:00 PM.

I said why, for spear grass removal??  And she said well after anaesthetic they like to watch the dog, so it’s better to leave him there.  When I picked him up he was three quarters dead from the anaesthetic, and it was a ten second procedure.

Next time the animal shakes his head and holds it to the side I’m going to call a friend to hold his head while I get a flashlight and tweezers.  I’m certainly not spending over $250 for damned spear grass removal again ($130 for anaesthetic, $75 for the exam and $35 for the ten second removal).

The dog threw up mightily all the way to Maple Ridge and back so he’s quite a delicate little fellow.  However once we got there it was fine as he could race around on my brother’s huge lawn, right on Whonnock Lake.  There are only five houses around that lake so it’s really beautiful and quiet.

It’d just been Sunny’s 38th birthday a few days prior, so we had a birthday dinner complete with a carrot cake made by Julie and there were a few gifts, too.  Sunny has two girls, Journey and River, and they’re 6 and 3 so they enjoyed romping around with the mutt.

Once we got back to Kelowna mom headed off to Osoyoos, and I got back to the matter at hand.  I’ve got fruitcake orders looming, and a lot of baking to do.  And can you believe it, just as I’ve decided to get out of wholesale baking, a lovely chi chi store in Toronto contacted me.

John Mastroianni of Pusateri’s Fine Foods telephoned and asked if I baked wholesale, and I said I just got out of it or it would’ve killed me.  I said if and when my daughter in law ever gets here, and if she wants to learn the fruitcake biz, we may go to wholesale again.

In the meantime I’m happy to continue lovingly hand-producing fruitcakes for my loyal followers.

Last weekend I had a lovely visit with Beverly and Lori, two pals who were also teachers of the deaf.  I wonder if we have common personality traits and that’s why we chose that profession.  We have some common traits for sure, and one of them is we were born to shop.

We started at my favourite store, the Helping Hands, and we proceeded from there.  By the time we arrived home, after visiting four thrift stores, we were all carrying precious purchases that made us very happy.

They left smartly on Sunday morning, and Louie came in from the yard and started vomiting like crazy.  I thought what the heck?  After about seven times and his stomach was empty, he sat out on the deck.  I was looking at hime from the side and realized his lower left lip and jaw were swollen and deformed, Nutty Professor-style.

I looked at his lip and saw what I think must’ve been a wasp sting, as there was a red bite mark.  I looked this up on-line and it appeared he may have had an allergic reaction due to the vomiting.  However after an hour or so, despite being swollen he didn’t act sick so I thought I’d walk him.

That was a mistake as a block away I ran into a neighbour and the dog started vomiting up white foam.  I explained what happened.  She said, “Oh dear, he doesn’t look very good.” I then had to pick up the nearly 20 pounds of solid little dog and carry him back home.

On my way I was chuckling at how my pets only ever need a vet when the regular clinics are closed and one must go to the emergency vet.  I know the drill.  You phone for an appointment, and the girl tells you due to your own dumb luck, you must pay $100 just to enter.  And then of course regular vet fees apply from there.  Of course.

But on the site it also said Benadryl would stop an anaphylactic shock, and it said that’s likely what the vet would give the dog.  I thought why not just the antihistamine myself?

I got into the car and raced to the drug store, envisioning the dog succumbing to anaphylactic shock, praying he’d be alive, and fortunately he was.  I gave him the Benadryl and an hour later the swelling was completely gone.

I got the usual stink eye from the young pharmacy assistant as I said “Where is the children’s Benadryl?”  She pointed it out for me and I said, “Now this is for a 20 pound dog, what amount do you think I’d need?”  The insecure assistant said snarkily, “I do people medicine, not veterinary medicine.”

So to be annoying I stood there and read the back aloud and said “Oh that’s fine, see here it says for a baby of this weight, I need this amount.  That’s perfect, thanks” and went to the till.

Now with the nearly $200 I saved from curing the dog myself, I can really go to town at the thrift stores over the next few weeks.