I have inspirational messages sent to me daily from a place called tut.com.  Today’s said, “The power is within you.”   I dearly hope that it is because one thing I’d really like to do this year is to write another book.  As you know, I wrote a 100 page romance novel which was soundly rejected by the Harlequin critique people.

This time I’d like to write more within my own interests, which is memoir and non-fiction.  Mom wants her life story recorded, so I’ll start there.  I’ve also started a book about my journey as a fruitcake entrepreneur.  I find it kind of laughable, though, as I can barely write a one-page weekly blog and now I want to write one or possibly two books.  Mad!  Dream big or go home, I guess, is my motto for 2009.

To help with the writing I’m returning to UBC-Okanagan to take the second half of first-year creative writing.  It starts tomorrow and ends in April.  With that behind me, I can apparently take a second-year creative writing course in the fall in non-fiction.  It appears that the insanely strong desire to write has finally reached the breaking point.

Besides writing, I have two trips planned for this year.  The first one occurs in three weeks when Marilyn and I will wing our way to Hawaii.  The second will occur in late April when Nicky and I will go to Germany to visit our relatives.  I’m looking forward to both, but after seeing the nightmare of Christmas airline travel I have to admit that I’m quaking a bit at the thought of any delays.

A goal for the fruitcake business is to get into both Country Woman and Chatelaine’s December issues.  I also need to find other magazines which might be interested, and get really focused with marketing.

A constant irritant is my inability to get into more local winery shops with the Okanagan Harvest Cake.  These places have shortbread from England and poached pears from California, but they balk at a locally-made product.  Why??

I made the mistake of reading Marly and Me, and sobbed my heart out over the ending.  Though I knew the old dog would die, I perversely continued reading.  The next day I showed up at the gym with one eye big and one eye small.  I just said to the women, “Look, I read Marly and Me, so this is my own fault.”

Arnie is now in his 14th year, and is totally dependant on me, as was Marly on his owner.  I’ve had that dog since he was six weeks old, and we’ve been inseparable for his entire life.  Needless to say, I over-identified with Marly’s owner!

So who knows what joys and sorrows 2009 will bring?  But no matter what, as usual, I am pretty well ga ga with excitement about the whole thing.

Do you find it challenging to be funny while seething with anger?  Such is the case for me, thanks to the illustrious workers at Canada Post.  As you may recall, I had the great compliment of having Eric Akis write in glowing terms about my fruitcake in the Victoria Times Colonist.  This caused panic buying at Peppers Foods, so the nice manager re-ordered.

As the last weekend before Christmas was approaching, he asked that the fruitcakes be sent overnight, but not at an insane cost.  I checked around and decided that Canada Post’s Priority Courier service would be the best option.  I packaged up four cases (96 fruitcakes) and mailed them at noon on the 18th with a guarantee that they’d arrive at noon on the 19th.

I spent the last weekend before Christmas feeling smug about all of the successful transactions that had occurred.  Humming away, I answered the phone on Monday the 22nd to this unbelievable question: “Where are the fruitcakes I ordered?”  I felt like I’d been punched in the gut, and raced to the Internet to track the packages.

Sure enough, I saw that they were sitting in Richmond at 10:00 PM on the 19th and no further information was provided.  I phoned the number shown on their site for assistance, and then spent the next hour in a loop which ended nowhere.  Finally, I drove to the post office from where I’d mailed them, and they informed me that the tracking branch of Canada Post, the inside workers, were on strike!

The nice clerk at the post office said, “Once the strike is over they’ll refund you the courier fee.”  To which I replied that I didn’t care about the refunded fee, but was very concerned that a seasonal product had not been delivered on time to the store.  She explained that there was nothing that anyone could do.  I drove home feeling completely defeated.

The fruitcakes finally arrived on the 23rd, but as the manager said, so many people had left mad that he was worried he’d have trouble selling them at this point.  I just have to think positively, as who wouldn’t want a fruitcake to ring in the New Year?  I just read that in Scotland a fruitcake is eaten on New Year’s Day for good luck.

By the 24th I had largely gotten over the upset, as it was time to get ready for our traditional Christmas Eve.  Mom and Gerry arrived with Schwartzie, and the four of us plus them made for a happy evening of carols, gifts, food and wine.  I successfully made a Jewish dish, knishes and brisket, which Gerry loved.

Vast amounts of food were also consumed on Christmas Day as I made the ubiquitous turkey dinner with all the trimmings.  Luke has the appetite of a super model after the last runway show of the season, so has practically eaten us out of house and home.  Oh well.  That’s what the holidays are for.

What a fantastic surprise the manager of Peppers Foods in Victoria and I received on Sunday.  Eric Akis, food writer and cookbook author, wrote a column for the Victoria Times Colonist in which he listed locally produced delicacies for Christmas and where one could find them.  He ended the column with the heading Fabulous Fruitcake, and extolled mine by saying, “It’s not often you can use ‘fruitcake’ and ‘fabulous’ in the same sentence, but I do when describing the cakes produced by the Kelowna company Nuttier than a Fruitcake.”

This of course brought a flood of people to Peppers, and so I hurriedly shipped six cases to the store.  As well, I was very fortunate that Phil Johnson, the host of Kelowna’s AM 1150 morning show called me again.  He did a brief interview, and then on Monday he’s going to do a give-away of a couple of my fruitcakes, so that will also drive people to the stores.

This has all been very good, but it’s been a tough week standing in the various Quality Greens stores.  Due to the blizzard on Thursday I had to cancel my gig in Penticton, but as my route would have taken me through Westbank, which received 46 centimetres of snow, I felt that risking my life for fruitcake wasn’t worth it.

I was frozen solid upon leaving the Westbank Quality Greens demo, and learned that more layers are good.  So yesterday in Vernon I was dressed a bit more warmly, yet still froze!  With the doors opening and closing every few minutes, it’s hard to keep warm.  The staff told me they wear several layers, plus hats and boots and are barely able to survive.

While in Vernon I was interviewed by the business editor of the Vernon Morningstar newspaper.  She also took a photo, but this unfortunately won’t appear in the paper until next Sunday.  However, some people eat fruitcake between Christmas and New Year’s, so it will still help with sales.

My friend and baking assistant, Marilyn, happened to be listening to a new FM station in town, and the host, a 20-something, said some disparaging things about fruitcake.  She promptly phoned in and set him straight, and then phoned me.  So the next day I took him a fruitcake and told him to try it.  I said if he thought it was really terrible he could continue to disparage fruitcake.

I had the station on, so had the great pleasure of hearing him say, “Okay, here I go.  Mmmmph (chomping sounds).  Mmmm.  Hey, this is actually good!”  Even after a break he returned to the topic of how Nuttier than a Fruitcake makes a really good product.  I was really happy about that, as another convert puts me that much closer to fruitcake heaven, doesn’t it?

I suppose instead of whining about how tired I am, I should be thanking the Gods of Christmas Merriment that I’m not hung over to boot.  Last night Denis and I were invited to our friends Bob and Jerralynn’s for a Christmas party.  After the pino gris and gewurtztraminer, one of my last acts of the night was to send a glass of wine flying off the counter where it then shattered on the floor.  Oopsies!

So today I’ve spend my time quietly baking cookies, as I’ve been doing for the past week.  I always make my granny’s cookies, the spitzbubchen, but this year I decided to make zimmtsterne (cinnamon stars) as well.  Both of these recipes must be well over 120 years old, as my granny, born in 1899, learned them from her mother.

I’ve been making batches of these cookies to give away to various (very select) people.  However, there’s a nasty downside to the cookie production.  Invariably, six or eight cookies will not fit into the tin, so I put them ‘aside.’  I then decide that I can certainly eat ONE cookie, and not wreck all of my hard work on Weight Watchers.  Soon I have finished the sixth or eighth cookie and feel really annoyed.

Perhaps I’ll lose weight from the upcoming Week from Hell.  Quality Greens is my largest customer, so when they ask me for a favour, I do it.  They’re going to run their usual ad in the newspaper, but in it they will be featuring my product.  The ad will run the week prior to Christmas, so they asked me if I’d be willing to do demos in each of their four stores during that time.  I said sure, and am now wondering how I’ll survive it.

We’ve just had quite a big snowfall, and are sitting at minus 10, and I’ll be demo’ing fruitcake in Penticton, Kelowna, Vernon and Westbank.  I should probably take my space heater and an extension cord as the demos will be three hours in length.  The things I have to do to flog this product!

Last week we went to a tree farm and picked out a tree that was cut on the spot and has filled the house with an insanely strong scent of pine. For years I’ve been buying the cultured Douglas firs, as they’re easy to decorate.  All of the decorations can go on the ends, but with this pine and its leggy branches, it takes a lot more decorations.

What a wonderful opportunity to demonstrate my committment to Canada! As I said to the women at the gym, it is our patriotic duty to shop.  When one of them asked, “How so?” I explained that in recessionary times we are to spend, spend, spend.  It’s wrong and unpatriotic not to do so.  Not willing to be branded a traitor, I went out and bought tons of the most adorable Christmas decorations, and now our tree is absolutely resplendent.

I have to say that a large part of my business’ success has been due to the help I’ve received from others.  It would be great to say that meant people like my husband, but I’m talking about real help from strangers.  For example, though I always have CBC Radio on, due to the crisis in Ottawa, I happened instead to be watching TV on Tuesday afternoon.

The phone rang, and a woman said, “Phone in to CBC Radio right away.  They’re trying to find fruitcake makers in BC.”  I quickly put on the radio and heard Mark Forsythe talking about Christmas foods.  As I was desperately looking on-line for the call-in number, the phone rang again and the same nice woman gave me the number!

I dialed, and the screener asked me what my call was about.  I told her I’d heard they were searching for purveyors of fruitcake, and that actually, I was Canada’s Fruitcake Queen!  She put me on hold for about 30 seconds, and suddenly I was on Almanac, talking to Mark Forsythe, whose show I’ve always adored.

He asked me what my secret was, and I told him about the chunks of chocolate as well as the booze-soaking after they’re baked.  Then he asked me how people can reach me, and I told all of the listeners my website’s address.  As soon as I hung up, one customer phoned to order five, and when I went on-line, a dozen orders were waiting for me!  Once again, don’t ya just love CBC?

Later that afternoon, the kind customer who’d phoned me to let me know about the show called back.  It turns out that her name is Colleen, and she lives in Quesnel.  She’d ordered some fruitcakes in the summer, and liked them a lot.  She placed another order, and I stuck a fruitcake in there as thanks.  Very meager, I know, for all that she’s done for me.

As I write this I hear Denis in the bedroom next door.  He’s snoring, and the sound of his exhalations reminds me of the far-off lowing of a cow.  He’ll get up groggily in an hour or two, eat breakfast, drink a litre of coffee, and settle himself in front of the computer.  Then he’ll proceed to play World War 2 on-line for the next several hours.

My Sunday will unfold somewhat differently.  After making the bed and cleaning up the kitchen, I plan to do some Christmas baking and continue packaging my orders.  I’ll vacuum, clean the upstairs and downstairs bathrooms, and then make my weekly call to my mom.  For fun, sometimes I like to sum up my list of things done at the end of the day to Denis, who very kindly replies, “Good work, dear!”

Where is a camera when you need one?  A couple of nights ago Mango brought in a really big mouse and let it go.  I was watching TV and knew that Mojo would eventually get the mouse so didn’t bother to move.  The mouse ran into the kitchen, where Denis was standing.  He saw the mouse, and immediately called for Mojo, the Mouse Slayer.  I said, “She’s downstairs watching Nicky eat.”

However, Ricky, the dwarf dachshund heard Denis’ call and ran into the kitchen.  He and the mouse made eye contact, and the mouse stood up on its hind legs. Ricky put his nose to the mouse who gave him a right left right left with its paws.  I heard Ricky scream, and he ran from the room.  He had been beaten up by a mouse!

Within minutes Mojo was back upstairs, and we soon found the mouse’s hiding place.  Mango was in my bedroom, lying in front of a trunk, and watching it with the odd twitch of his tail tip.  I moved the trunk, the mouse ran out, and crack! Mojo had its skull fractured within a second.  I then advised her that she’d have to put a paper bag over her head due to the shame brought on the family by Ricky.

I’ve always been mad for marzipan, so I decided I’m going to make it myself.  I found a great recipe, now I just need to purchase a candy thermometer.  I’m crazy with excitement about it, and told Denis I was going to make marzipan, and added, “Isn’t that fab?”  To which he rudely replied, “Are you supposed to be eating that?”  Can you imagine the nerve of that man?

No, of course I shouldn’t be eating marzipan, but I’m talking about the thrill of making it, for God’s sake.  We had wonderful neighbours in Osoyoos, the Sziegauds, and Margot used to make marzipan every Christmas.  I still think about it, and last ate it about 40 years ago, so it must have made quite an impression on me.  You can dye it and shape it into cute stuff, so it’s a very creative pursuit.

Okanagan College has a business program, and I was contacted by one of their e commerce students.  She said that they had received a grant from the government, and were offering local businesses with websites a free critique of their site.  I said I would be happy to participate, so a nice young woman came over with a comprehensive report.

And wouldn’t you know it, that little genius, Steve, my web designer, rated five stars (out of five stars) in almost every category.  The student had a couple of things that she was able to point out that will help me, but other than that, she really felt that my site is doing a good job.  So even though the small dog is a great disappointment, the web designer is a point of pride.

I’ve just spent three solid days searching the internet for a reasonably priced condo in Kauai.  If there really is a recession going on somewhere, it certainly hasn’t hit Kauai.  Most condos are listed for insane amounts of money per night, and they’re booked!  So I was almost going to pony up $329/night when fortunately I had the brains to use my secret weapon – the women at the gym.

Once again, by telling them about my situation, one of them brilliantly mentioned a site called Vacation Rental Owners.  I e mailed a bunch of people, and had offers of $139, $149 and $171/night within a few minutes.  My travel agent nearly had me convinced that there was nothing for less than $300/night.  Maybe I should change careers again.

Not that I have time to be surfing the net for condos in Hawaii.  I am now getting daily orders by the case, and it’s hard to keep up.  I can’t believe that I used to be baking while doing this, as it’s simply not possible.  All I can do is fill orders, as it takes an awfully long time to package each and every one of them.

I had two columnists write about the fruitcakes in the same issue of the Capital News this week!  It happened by accident, in that I thought Glenna Turnbull wrote for the Daily Courier.  So, I begged both Maxine Dehart and Glenna to write about my fruitcakes, and they both did.  It was good coverage in that both wrote totally different articles, and funnily enough some people only read one or the other column, so this way I covered a lot of ground.

Sure enough, a couple of stores have re-ordered, so fruitcakes are having their little bags packed and are being sent out into the wide world with a wave and a tear.  When I was mailing them the clerk at the post office told me that her boyfriend ate an entire Totally Decadent Fruitcake in one night.  So, she’s ordered two more, one of which she said he’ll get in his stocking, and the other she’s decided to eat on her own.

I was thrilled with the December issue of Martha Stewart.  Some issues don’t give me any inspiration, but this one was great.  I raced straight to Value Village and bought a piece of Christmas-themed cloth.  I’m going to make various sized drawstring bags out of them, and use them instead of paper wrap for strangely-shaped packages.  Then, they can be re-used.  Brilliant!

I often try to use restraint on myself regarding shopping, as you well know.  However, I have had the same Jones black and white hounds tooth check short coat for four seasons, and just couldn’t face another winter with it.  Winners had nothing, but wouldn’t you know it, The Bay had a special buy on Jones coats, so I replaced a Jones with a Jones!  Now I have a very basic black knee-length coat with a faux fur black collar.  Much less irritating than a hounds tooth check, that’s for sure.

I’m here, just madder than a wet hen, that’s all.  I just spent two days at Prospera Place for the annual craft fair, and have sworn never to do that again.  I’m not sure what triggers people’s out-sized appetites at these events, but I know that we went through at least 30 fruitcakes in two days.  I had samples of each out, and people were wolfing them down as though they were dachshunds who hadn’t eaten in days.

Then, mouths full, they would ask if the product was in any of the stores.  When I told them the names of the stores, they would say, “Great.  I’ll get one closer to Christmas.”  Hence, I was competing with myself in the stores.  Marilyn and I were hoping to have someone complain about the price as she and I have both been itching for a reason to punch someone’s lights out.

The other morning at around 7:30 I was making a sandwich for Nicky, while he made his coffee and Denis fooled around making his own breakfast.  Just having these buffoons that close to me at that hour of the morning made my blood boil.  Seeing their sloppy mannerisms as they spilled sugar and burned toast made me understand family violence.  However, I said nothing and got away from there as fast as I could.

When I mentioned this to Marilyn the other day, she concurred that she has recently been about as close to homicide as a person can get.  I believe we have discovered the root of the problem, though, and I think it’s called “burn-out.”  Yes, even Amazons get the blues.  So, we are going to wing our way to Kauai at the end of January and spend ten days lazing about on a beach.  Hopefully we will return all sweetness and light.

In the meantime, however, I have to package fruitcakes with the speed of a Chinese manufacturing plant worker.  I had a great day of packaging on November 4th, as I could watch the American election all day long.  It helped me not notice that I was ready to start throwing the fruitcakes.  By evening a dozen cases were done, and I was right there alongside Oprah, crying with exhilaration and optimism for the future.

And that’s how I should be feeling right now about the fruitcake business, too.  I now have steady on-line orders, and so I know more converts are coming my way.  We sent a ton of people to the local stores, so they will hopefully be re-ordering shortly.  Now I just need the cuticles and strength to package over 3,000 fruitcakes.

I guess you’re wondering why anyone in their right mind would package at this late date.  It has caused me some serious thought as well.  However, I’m one of those people who thinks everything takes ‘a few minutes’ then ten hours later am quite surprised.  Oh well.  The only fall-out to date appears to be a serious case of the crankies.

I know this is just going to make everyone really mad, but I have to tell you anyway.  I’ve lost eight pounds in the eight weeks I’ve been at Weight Watchers!  And this despite eating at least four 500 gram containers of creamed honey and I don’t know how many dozen loaves of bread.  For me the secret appears to have been in alleviating the insane amounts of fat that I used to power down.

You know how we always read articles that say people think if they lose weight they’ll finally be truly happy? The articles allege that true happiness lies within, and losing weight or winning money is not going to make us happy.  However, now that I bought a pair of size 10 Lee jeans at Wal Mart, I beg to differ.  I’m now happier than I’ve been in a very long time.

Out of the blue I received a phone call from a woman named Sharon from an American magazine called Country Woman.  She asked if I would consent to being featured in their ’09 Christmas issue, and I said of course.  I’m not sure what American exposure is going to do for me, as I don’t have an export license, but what the heck.  Maybe this will be the prompt I need to look into that.

It’s nice getting calls from customers, who are like, “Are you…. I mean, is this…. Nuttier than a Fruitcake?”  They’re kind of shy and scared to ask such a loaded question.  My whole-hearted response is always, “Yes!  This is nuttier than a fruitcake.”  May as well lay it right on the line, I figure.

That dear 88-year-old gentleman from Nova Scotia who ordered two fruitcakes last year ordered again this year.  He had e mailed me “In all my 88 years I have never had a better fruitcake than yours” so of course he remains one of my favourite customers.

However, even though these calls and e mail orders are nice, I’m now in that panicked mode where I desperately need the media.  So in an inspired moment I sent an e mail to Phil Johnson, the host of a local AM radio talk show.  He phoned back 15 minutes later, and said, “I’ll interview you on-air tomorrow morning at 7:20!” We did that interview, and it was great, so yesterday I went downtown to thank him with a couple of fruitcakes.

As it turns out, Phil plans to come out to my very kitchen in the next while to do a more in-depth interview!  While fantastic, of course my heart is filled with dread as I picture the vicious barking and attacking by the weiner dogs.  I guess they come by it honestly, as one of our favourite sayings around here is “Release the hounds!” like from those old melodramas.

You know how some dogs hate the sound of a doorbell?  Ours hate hearing the word “Hi” and it causes them to hurtle themselves to the front door, barking.  So of course as soon as I said “Hi Phil” the listeners could hear a wild cacophony of barking.  I had to do the old, “heh, heh, heh, sorry about that” and just prayed there wouldn’t be another opportunity for them to act like idiots.  I’m sure that’ll be coming soon enough.

As much as I love our three dogs, sometimes I feel like beating them to death.  The other day I came home for a quick lunch, and as I planned to go out again, I just put my shoes under a chair in the kitchen.  Upon putting them on I was filled with anger as I saw that Ricky had chewed off the back of one of them!  And the dog only goes for leather, too.  He will not chew a cheap shoe.

Arnie, because he’s thirteen and a half years old and blind, is also extremely irritating.  I know he can’t help it, so don’t bother berating me for being a hard-hearted dog owner.  But honest to God, his eye-rubbing, snuffling, panting and general incessant turning at 5:30 AM is going to lead to no good.  Yet it seemed like such a good idea to put a cute six-week-old puppy into bed thirteen and a half years ago.

As well as baking and packaging, I’ve continued my marketing campaign.  The Burnaby Buy-Low is now going to carry the Totally Decadents.  Nesters in Kelowna is going to carry both kinds.  So, although slow, store by store I’m making believers out of skeptics.

I also had a nice order from a marketing firm in Calgary.  They ordered 100 Totally Decadents to give as gifts.  I had to ship these post-haste as they wanted the first 25 by Wednesday.  Fortunately, I have shipping pretty well down to a science and am no longer stymied by stuff like that.

However, I’m still completely stymied by any kind of proper record-keeping system.  So far, it has consisted of a free Re/Max Calendar.  On a given date, I will write, “Mail to Dufflet Pastries” or whatever.  That’s my ‘bring forward’ system.  Also, some people ordered but don’t want to receive the product until closer to Christmas.  So, I employ my same sophisticated system for that.

Regarding sales, I have a spiral-bound notebook.  The pages are headed up with words such as date, amount ordered, company name, etc.  As orders come in, I dutifullly note the invoice number and later whether or not payment has been received.  As you can imagine, there is the odd glitch, and it’s always associated with the grey matter of the idiot entering the info.

Highway 97 is closed between Peachland and Summerland due to a large construction project that has apparently rendered the highway unsafe.  That means there’s no way for me or my product to go south anytime soon.  I’m hoping that doesn’t have some sort of deleterious effect on the business.

There are always so many unexpected barriers on the road to success, whether it’s having your sleep ruined by a dog, or your deliveries ruined by a highway project.  The best solution is to just ignore all of it, and continue as though you really did know what you were doing.