Tag Archive | amazon

Dangerous Yoga

Aug18

As usual, I wasn’t sky diving or practicing tight-rope walking when I hurt my back this morning. Instead, I was doing some yoga moves that I’ve done many times before, but this time my low back decided it didn’t like those poses. And now I’m so crippled I had to ask Calvin to water my fig trees as I can’t lift the heavy water jugs.

Instead I’ll have to work on my writing which I always like to avoid doing. It’s strange to have a hobby that one dreads. Why do it then? It’s not possible to explain to anyone who doesn’t write. But as difficult as it can be, I find it’s one of those activities whereby hours go by without me noticing them passing. And of course I like to see the final product, so there’s that.

Unless one is dissatisfied with the final product, as I was with book 2 of my series featuring the wiener dogs as crime fighters. I had to re-visit and re-write parts of it so that I could go onto book 3, the final one. Once that one’s written, illustrated and for sale on Amazon I’ll let you know. I think they might be nice as Christmas gifts for people with small kids.

Just as it took years to realize I was retired and could do whatever I liked, it’s finally starting to dawn on me that without caring for Mom, I have more spare time. I was very wrapped up in the probate forms and then getting the property ready for sale. Without having to drive 100 miles each way every two weeks I find I have many more days to do whatever it is that moves me.

To whit: Yesterday I drove to Trail Appliances and spent money like a drunken sailor. I bought a gorgeous induction oven, an upright freezer and a dishwasher. All high-end and I didn’t even blink at the bottom line because that’s what I wanted, so that’s what I got. Being retired turns a person into a bit of a narcissistic maniac.

I feel particularly enamoured of my new stove. Though it cost more than my first Honda Civic, the interior is cobalt blue. The exterior is white. I think I’m in love. The reason for the stove finally hit full force when I tried to make one of those roasts where you start them at 500 then turn off the oven for two hours. I made that for Calvin’s visiting friend from Hungary, and it was a disaster as my oven doesn’t hold heat. After that I went, that’s it. Cooking and baking are my hobbies.

And as these are my hobbies, I have to invite people over to eat the stuff. In the past two weeks I had Rhonda’s widower Ron, then Petra and on another occasion Marie here for lunch. I also had Mike the Eccentric House Painter here for a farewell lunch as he leaves to find his fame and fortune in Terrace, BC.

I’ve discovered brining and am nuts over it. Have you ever tried it? I got some of those extra thick cut pork chops and wondered what on Earth one does to ensure they’re done, yet not dry. Looks like brining is the answer. I put two of these massive chops into four cups of water with four tablespoons of kosher salt and left them for eight hours. Delicious and moist.

Thursday could be a dangerous day given Elsa and I are going treasure hunting. We haven’t been in several weeks which likely means the back seat heaped and the trunk full. This is another hobby that I enjoy very much, but which can also cause consternation.

 But with this bad back I may as well shop as God knows it’s probably the best therapy for it.

When Bots are Stupid

Oct30

Imagine my surprise to see that Amazon’s bots decided to write this about my book: “Customers find the content of the book wonderful and great for kids. They describe the writing style as delicious and unique. Generated from the text of customer reviews.” One reviewer had said they thought it was a kids’ book, then wrote NOT, as she read it and discovered it was for adults.

Though now I hope parents buy it for their kids because they need to learn the importance of cannabis and alcohol early in life. It’d be fun to give it to a twelve-year-old who then says to their mom, “Can we make cannabis cookies, too?” Or give it to a ten-year-old who can expand their vocabulary with four-letter words that mean ka ka.

As usual I panicked, and because the liquor stores were closed and it appeared no end was in sight, I stocked up on a lot of vodka, and some tequila. Of course, soon after the hoarding was complete, the strike was over and now I’m left with the most interesting assortment of brands. The small independent stores soon ran out of the normal stuff I buy (nice cheap Smirnoff) and so I had to take whatever was available. Fear not, it’ll get drunk. Or I will.

Great joy as I remembered my old pal Steve MacNaull from the Kelowna Daily Courier and decided to google him to see where he was. It turns out he’s now working for Now Media, and so I met him there today in their absolutely gorgeous office space on the 16th floor overlooking the lake and the autumn trees now changing colour within the neighbourhoods below.

We reminisced about the old days when he’d write articles about the government contracting business, Rucastle and Schiller Workskills. Then we talked about the fruitcake madness and how all of that went over the years. I gave him my memoir and told him to read it as I said, “you’re in it.” He immediately tried to look in the back and I said, “there’s no index, so you’ll have to read to find it.” Cagey, right?

I also baked fruitcakes a few days ago and brought him one of those. He very kindly got a knife and plate, and cut a piece then took a few photos of me holding my memoir in one hand and the cake in the other. When I saw the pictures, I was quite dismayed and said why oh why is my right eye so much smaller than my left? It’s not normal.

When I left, I asked about Now Media, and he said this story about my book will appear not just in Kelowna Now, but Prince George Now, Kamloops Now, and many other Nows. I don’t mind telling you I’m very excited about this as perhaps as we come up to fruitcake season, the article will arrive just in time to give people the nudge to buy the book as a gift for someone.

I’m off to Toronto tomorrow for a week of fun and am all packed and ready to go. Will just take a carryon for that amount of time. Actually, I took a carryon for my two weeks in Europe and when my male cousin arrived to drive me to the airport he looked at what I had and said “that’s it? For two weeks?”

Trevor and I are hoping today’s the final day of re-taping certain areas of the book that didn’t come out right. I’m willing to ignore all of the annoying swallowing just to get it over with, but there are some words that are just plain wrong and it has to be fixed.