Just like when I was at university and a paper was due, I’d start to clean my apartment. Same thing happened last week as I decided it was time to finalize the three kids’ books and get them onto Amazon. So instead of doing that I washed windows and floors, cleaned out drawers I haven’t look at in years and went through the fridge, throwing out old condiments. After a few days, I felt ready.

I had to go through each book and decide where the illustrations should go. It was a gruelling exercise given I’m sick to the teeth of re-reading these stupid books. However, I did manage to get that done by sheer force of will.

I sent the manuscripts and illustrations to my friend Trevor who did the drawings and formatting for Okay I’ll Bite and Nuttier than a Fruitcake. Because he’d decided to run for city council, he began campaigning and door knocking in May, just around the time I would’ve needed illustrations. So I got a referral for another illustrator, contacted her, and she did the three books for me.

Last week Trevor replied and said um these illustrations were made using generative A.I. and asked if I was okay with that. Because I’d spent $4500 for the illustrations and assumed I was hiring an artist, I replied I certainly was not okay with it, but now what? Here I am ready to publish, and I don’t want to get kicked off Kindle Direct Publishing (KDP) for using A.I.

Long story short, I think if one discloses A.I. was used, KDP is okay with it. That’s what people on a Facebook site for self-published authors said anyway. The money is a total annoyance, but for me the whole thing is a heartbreak as I only plan to do these three kids’ books, and I did them as an homage to my dachshunds and have dedicated them to my two grandchildren.

In other words, I was willing to spend money on a quality end-product as God knows I’ll never make that money back and I don’t care. But with Trevor’s words ringing in my ears, and the upset of knowing I’d been duped I’ve had several sleepless nights and stressful days. I like to beat myself up as much as possible for some reason; it seems to satisfy some kind of masochistic urge.

What do the tough do when the going gets tough? Shop and bake. Denis was here the other day as he gets a needle stuck into his eyeball on a regular basis to prevent blindness. As he’ll be in town for his next shot and it’s on December 23, I said just stay on for Christmas. Our boys will be here in Kelowna, so it’ll be a family event. He said okay, but only if there are no presents.

I said absolutely, no presents, we’ll just concentrate on the food. Then yesterday went out and began shopping. A Christmas without presents is like Santa without his sleigh. It’d be just some old guy wandering around. When Denis arrives and the tree is heaped with gifts, what can he do? Go back home?  I’m sure his bruised eyeball wouldn’t appreciate the long drive.

Then there’s the stress-reduction associated with baking. I made my first batch of fruitcakes and gave one to Sylvie for her birthday as she said she loves them. Because everybody buys themselves whatever they want, birthday presents can be murder, so I’m always relieved when I can think of something a person might actually want.

In the mornings my bed looks as though a major struggle occurred and must be entirely remade each day. As I come to grips with the A.I. debacle I do hope I’m able to return to normal very soon.