Bull’s Penis as Therapy

The season’s sales are well on their way, as I delivered 60 fruitcakes to Quality Greens, 48 to Discover Wines, 18 to Tin Horn Creek Winery and mailed 24 to Sea Cider in Victoria.  As it’s just mid-November, I expect this to continue right up until Christmas so I feel smug about the heavy baking I did in September.

Because of my profound laziness, I’ve jettisoned the Okanagan Fruit and Rum bars along with the chocolate bark.  I hate making anything small, so decided to stick with the original two fruitcakes and try to make each and every one of them a prize-winner.

Margaret’s helping me with my Nuttier than a Fruitcake page, and it’s a lot of fun.  I honest to God didn’t know what to do, and said to her what simple things can a Luddite possibly do?  She replied: Post one thing every day, and make sure you always include a photo.

Every day I dutifully post a recipe and sometimes the odd tip for something else, and I’ve increased my reach by a couple of hundred per cent.  Margaret suggested I might do a special Christmas cookie recipe exchange, and I’ve started that.  If only I could do those damned videos I’ve been talking about for a year or more.

My wonderful little pup got neutered on Wednesday, and at noon on Friday when the vet’s office assistant phoned to see how he was, I said,  “Not well.”  Louie was completely depressed from the experience and not himself at all.

I didn’t know what to do to cheer him up, so I went into Buckerfield’s to peruse the dog chews to see if I could find something he might like.  After some thought, I ended up with a bull’s penis, and for good measure I threw in a pig’s ear.

When I got home I placed both items on the floor, he sniffed the ear, and then sniffed the penis, and started chewing on it.  He kept at it for about four hours and I was worried he might be injuring his jaws from over-exercise.  It sure took his mind off his surgery.

Then this weekend Louie and I went to Osoyoos to visit mom and her poodle Schwarzie.  Louie had about 1/3 of the bull penis left, so I took it with us.  Once we got into the house Schwarzie smelled the penis and grabbed it, and wouldn’t let Louie near it again.

Even though she is a walking skeleton due to advanced diabetes, that little dog laid there and chewed on the penis for at least three hours, and I said to mom I’m scared all this chewing energy’s going to finish off the dog.  But she was fine.

One of the books I bought for $1 at the annual library book sale is by Cesar Millan, the Dog Whisperer.  He says chewing for dogs is like reading a good book.  So in both cases, the bull penis took the dogs’ minds off their troubles.

Perhaps one should always have a bull penis in the home for stress relief?  I sat beside the dog when he was chewing on it and at times the odd whiff I got made me feel pretty sure only a dog would covet them.  However you know you love your dog when you get to the till and hand over $12 for a damned penis.

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