I always feel wild with excitement and optimism at the beginning of a new year.  I think gardening helps a lot with this, as one always has great hopes for what is to come.  Also, “what you think, say and do comes back to you” so why not send out hopeful vibes instead of worried ones?

As I’ve been recuperating from Fruitcake Season, the Will to Live is slowly returning.  The other day I was lying on the couch with a knitted blankie, all three dogs and both cats scattered about.  I was reading an autobiography and enjoying the wafting scent from the bouquet of oriental lilies on the piano.  I started to feel the old fight coming back.

Emboldened, I drove to Home Sense and purposely got one of their giant carts.  As luck would have it, they had an additional 25% off on clearance items, so I just shopped until I felt winded and dizzy.  The young girl at the till was as happy as I was with each item that I had bought.

This kind of luck buoys a person, so off I went to Winner’s.  Did I say I had 19 pairs of dress pants? Whatever.  I found the greatest pair of Point Zero stretch pants that will be perfect for casual wear.  I seem to have found a fashion gap in my closet, ie casual pants, so now have Purpose and Meaning in my life again.

As happy as one gets, however, the children are always nearby to ensure that euphoria doesn’t get the better of the parent.  Luke’s old pal, Dan, aka The Boarder, is here from Alberta for a visit.  He was asking Nicky about school and work, and Nicky told him happily that he felt pretty sure that he was going to need five years to complete his degree.  He cheerfully added that he was going to live at home.

It’s at times like these that I put my fingers in my ears and sing “la la la la” for as long as it takes until he stops talking.  Otherwise, I would lose my mind entirely.  This morning I saw a half-eaten package of mozzarella cheese that was left open in the fridge.  Mugs with unidentifiable sludge at the bottom of them are routinely retrieved from the bowels of the basement.  Dumping their contents induces involuntary gagging.

We went to Yama’s last night for a Greek dinner to celebrate New Year’s Eve.  Then tonight I promised The Boarder his favourite pot roast dinner, so the eating appears to be continuing.  Fortunately, we’re now down to the crummy toffee candies in the Quality Street box, as well, the Baileys is almost completely empty.  Soon, very soon, we should be able to return to a life that doesn’t involve two to three kilos of sugar per day.

I’m so full right now I can barely type.  I woke up at 2:00 AM feeling completely bloated, and thought ruefully of the cookies and chocolates I’d eaten throughout the evening.  Just before bed I decided a nice shot of Bailey’s would be just the ticket.  It’s so odd the kinds of thoughts people have.

However, this morning I did go to a super-hard fitness class and that helped sweat out a lot of those nasty toxins.  Then, feeling refreshed and rejuvenated, I shopped for groceries as though The Flood was imminent.  Invigorated, I drove to Value Village and found a couple of needed items.

It’s wonderful, but I’m still getting the odd on-line order.  As it turns out, a newspaper in Whitehorse picked up the Kelowna article as well, so I had a nice order from there.  So, I’m now known in Halifax, Red Deer and Whitehorse.  My last large order of the season was placed by Quality Greens on December 21st, and it’s been solid Christmas prep for the home since then.

As I said earlier, I baked the infamous Spitzbubchen, and also made another German cookie that my gramma used to make called Zimmtsterne.  I did some last bits of shopping and wrapped everything with matching ribbons and cards.  When my sister-in-law Margaret arrived, I made a brisket with roasted potatoes, and the next night a seafood casserole.  Anyone can do this as it is just shrimp, cod, salmon and a pound of butter.  It’s really hard to go wrong with that one.

There was generally a lot of food eaten, and large amounts of wine and Bailey’s were consumed.  Because of the four extra visitors, the presents couldn’t be contained under the tree.  We should have felt ashamed, but we didn’t.  Instead, we tore into our stuff and everyone was glassy-eyed and happy within an hour of beginning.

The little girl visiting helped hand out gifts and she was confused by the strangely labeled ones.  One said, “To Tweedle Dum from Tweedle Dee.”  Another said, “To the Nail from the Hammer.”  Amusing little witticisms like that.  We had to explain to her than any labeled like that were for Denis and me.  It’s been one of our traditions that we think of funny names for each other’s gift tags.

I stupidly left a box of chocolate covered marzipan on the ground and of course by the next morning one of the dogs had eaten half of them.  That night another sister-in-law visited, and she was sitting beside the dogs.  Sadly, they were experiencing issues with their digestive systems, and hence every few minutes she would exclaim about the odour emanating from the dogs.  Finally, she said somewhat angrily, “I’m going to have to wash all of my clothes when I get home!”

As I sit and type this snow is falling heavily, covering the majestic ponderosa pines surrounding us.  Sadly, these wonderful friends will be falling prey to a chainsaw in the spring due to the development proposal soon to come to fruitition.  It absolutely makes me sick, but what can I do about it?  It’s so unbecoming to chain onself to a tree.

On the weekend I was featured in the local Event Newspaper, and the Shaw Cable channel is running the piece they filmed last year.  This is helping nudge along sales, but sadly I have about 10 cases (240 fruitcakes) that I stubbornly wish to unload.  However, I’m still going to the post office daily with on-line orders, and that’s good.

I’m now on box #4 or #5, I’ve kind of lost count, of those Lowney’s cherries.  You know the ones, the maraschino cherries surrounded by a sickly sweet syrup and encased in cheap chocolate.  I’ve also lost count of the number of Spitzbubchen I’ve eaten (please add an umlaut over the u when you try to pronounce it).  I’ve also made rum balls, but have hidden them from myself.

It’s hard to believe, but I have three Martha Stewart magazines waiting to be read!  They were arriving during my busiest time, so I put them away, dreaming of Christmas holidays.  Now that life has returned to some normalcy, I’m stock piling the enjoyable things I’ll be doing, which is mainly lying on the couch with the dogs, reading.

Besides baking and writing the odd Christmas letter, I’ve also done the majority of my Christmas shopping.  Now, several thousand dollars lighter, I am done.  For some strange reason both Nicky and Luke wanted Xbox 360’s, and Denis is also getting some weird crap for his computer.  Any computer or gaming system would be thrown right at someone’s head were I to receive it.  However, they are from Mars, hency they love it.

As children begin to leave home (not mine, mind you, but those of friends) I notice people my age are beginning to down-size.  Maryjoy, one of my dear old pals from Osoyoos school days has sold their family home and she and her husband are moving into a condo.  I, on the other hand, appear to be going in the opposite direction as I am already ga ga with excitement about what will occur next spring.  I am going to expand my gardening to our lower yard and grow vegetables!

It’ll be too wonderful, as by then the hideous new subdivision will be paved in against my Garden of Eden.  Right now, our hill is dotted with ponderosa pine, Oregon grape and wild grasses.  Below that on the flat area, the newbies will see a peasant woman, barefoot, hauling water and laboriously hoeing a row of tomatoes.  She will be slightly deranged at times, shaking a rake at them and shouting as she turns up CBC Radio for the neighborhood to enjoy.  It will be my sweet revenge on behalf of the dear departed trees.

Sometimes I think of the leisurely job of the one-armed paper hanger and feel envious.  Or else, I think of the cushy jobs of the slaves who built the pyramids.  I’m sure they had the opportunity to sit to eat, or else to have a few hours to sleep at night.  On the other hand, the life of the fruitcake monger in December can only be described as Living Hell.

It was absolutely divine of Steve MacNaull of the Daily Courier to write such a nice article about me.  However, imagine my surprise on December 6th to receive a couple of dozen orders from Red Deer!  I asked one of the people, and she said there had been an article in their paper.  I got those orders out by the skin of my teeth, then opened my e mail two days ago and there were 30 orders from Nova Scotia!  A person there e mailed that a nice article had appeared in their local paper by a writer named Steve MacNaull.

Now I’m scared to open my e mail, as I don’t know which other papers might pick up that story.  Yesterday I threw a President’s Choice frozen butter chicken dinner at Denis, and Nicky made himself a frozen pizza.  I packaged for 14 hours without stopping, eating a couple of hard boiled eggs at noon, standing at the counter.

This morning I was the first person into one of the postal outlets, and took my 30 parcels to the poor clerk at the counter.  Fortunately, she remained good humoured about the entire thing, and as people were just starting to line up, I managed to avoid starting a fist fight.

Due to being this busy, I made the mistake of writing up a grocery list and sending Denis to the store.  I said to Nicky that I didn’t even recognize what store he’d shopped at from the obscurity of some of the items.  Important things, such as the cats’ Temptations were missing entirely.  He bought all of the canned varieties they hate.  I said, “Why didn’t you get the Friskies grilled salmon and the cod, shrimp and sole feast?”  He alleged that he couldn’t read the words on the list!

Yesterday I arrived home to a message from a writer for the local Event newspaper/magazine, asking if I would be willing to be photographed and interviewed.  Being the indelicate publicity hound that I truly am, I said sure.  Now that article will come out and drive sales once again.  Oi vey!

But with just 13 more day of Living Hell to endure, I’m sure I’ll make it.  I even managed to get a tree and decorate it as well as most of the house, so am keeping up with some of the holiday prep.  I’m afraid my yearly tradition of writing personal letters to family and friends will go by the boards, but I refuse to give up on the dream of doing some Christmas baking.  Crazy, I know.

Do you have any idea how hard it is to type with bandages around your right pointer and middle finger?  I’ve had to do this as otherwise the blood from my cut cuticles gets onto the nice white boxes.  When you package thousands of fruitcakes, skin is removed.  Who knew?

Then there are the bruises on my shins from transporting 30 boxes of fruitcake into and out of my van at the courier’s.  I tripped over the curb a couple of times, plus bumped my shins into the back of the van clambering in and out with weighty boxes.  For some unknown reason, however, I did not have to resort to screaming out a bad word.  I’m probably just too weak for something like that at this juncture.

I can’t complain (but will anyway) as my sales are crazy right now.  Steve MacNaull of the Kelowna Daily Courier wrote a fab article about me, and even dug up an old photo.  I was also mentioned by a nice writer in Calgary, and she e mailed me to let me know her article would appear in the Calgary Herald.  I checked it out, and she writes an outdoor column, and mentioned Okanagan Harvest Cake as a great hiking snack.  Now there’s a new marketing angle for me to explore in Janaury, should I live that long.

Shaw TV phoned and asked if they could run the spot about me they did last year, to which I said, why not?  I will also have an article in the Osoyoos Times tomorrow, so that will get people into the Buy Low Foods there.  My dad always referred to the Osoyoos Times as the Intelligencer, which I still prefer.

Tomorrow night I’m the guest speaker at the BC Wine Museum’s gala wine tasting event.  I’ve decided to pretend it’s one of those Fascinating Lives-type of talks one reads about.  Hopefully no-one will doze off during my talk.  I was e mailed that they’ve had a huge response, so I pray for the Muse of Public Speaking to descend upon me.

Unbelievably, Nicky helped me put together the tiny boxes for the huge Nokia order, and last night Denis stuck some labels on boxes for me.  I think they’re both looking at the number of days until Christmas and thinking that if they don’t at least appear to be helpful, Santa might just leave each of them a lump of coal.

So now it’s back to stuffing fruitcakes into boxes, labeling boxes, date-stamping boxes, and huffing finished cartons into the basement.  I’m thinking of buying one of those weight-lifting belts, as that way your back is  protected.  However, now that my fingers, shins and back are completely wrecked anyway, I’m thinking I should pay more attention to my mental health.  The other day I phoned a customer, and said, “This is Moni from Fruitcake, er, I mean Kelowna.”  I’m telling you, insanity is just a hop, skip and a jump away.

I’ve recently noticed that I’m euphoric, and as I’ve read somewhere that that can be a sign of a serious illness, I’m trying to keep it down.  However, every few steps I take I feel like hopping on one foot, and have that burbling well of happiness in my chest.  I’m quite sure that by next week I’ll be typing “All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy” over and over and over again.

And speaking of The Shining, we had our first snow, which puts everyone in the fruitcake mood.  I’ve just adored the last few steely grey, overcast days.  Somehow having a seasonal Christmas-related business makes bad weather a good thing.  It’s like I live in Opposite World.

Last Thursday Nicky was paid, so he and his friend Taylor ordered a platter of Greek food, which came to over $60.00  The next day he came home and showed me his rather garishly coloured hoodie, and proudly told me he’d paid $100 for it at Island Snow.  On the weekend he said, “Oh yeah, semester two’s tuition is due by January 1st, but you can pay it anytime between now and then.”

Our tenant left the little carriage house downtown, so Luke is now renting it along with another two kids.  When I told my friend Liz, she responded with, “That’ll be interesting” to which I replied that I had used that exact same word.  Each kid is to pay $300/month, and the other day Luke handed me $280 and said, “I had to spend $20.00 last night.”

I’m currently folding 1,150 boxes, then will put fruitcakes inside, and ship the whole thing to Nokia in Ontario.  If I can just get that out of the house, then I can concentrate on the stores’ orders, which are now coming in fast and furious.  I’m proud to say that there are an awful lot of repeat customers.  One woman at the gym told me she’d eaten an entire Totally Decadent Fruitcake herself and then dreamt about it.

In spite of having absolutely no time, I couldn’t resist a bit of guerilla shopping, just for the sheer thrill.  I went into Future Shop last Thursday morning, and asked one of the kids who works there if they had any Wii’s.  Of course I knew deliveries arrived Monday, Wednesday and Friday evenings, so struck at the optimal moment.  Sure enough, they had 18 in the back, so the kid grabbed one for me.

I don’t need the Wii at all, but hunted it merely for the adrenalin rush.  Don’t think that the immorality of it all escapes me.  Yet unrepentant, I want to repeat this type of senseless consumer slaughter several more times throughout the next three and a half weeks until Christmas.  If prizes were awarded for Excellence in Shopping, I would surely win one!

I now have five out of 23 boxes vacuum-sealed for the Nokia order.  It’s surprising how long it takes to vacuum seal 1,125 fruitcakes!  Thank God for CBC Radio as it seems to keep my mind sufficiently occupied to prevent a catastrophe.  An example of this would be analyzing what I’m doing, decide to quit, and start throwing butter at the walls.

I’m also losing it a bit on the packaging, and must now do the rabid pack-per-order nightmare that I vowed to avoid.  As I perused the year’s sales to date, I suddenly felt sick as I saw that I’ve already sold 2,000 and the season’s just begun.  What will become of me?

I had a wonderful response to my e mail to the Osoyoos Times.  A really nice woman phoned and said that she will be doing an article.  Then today the Okanagan Life Magazine came out, and on page 22, should you feel bored, there’s a dear article about my fruitcakes.  The boxes just looked so Martha Stewart that I felt quite proud.

It’s very hard to do, but Nicky managed to strip the transmission in the little Nissan van.  I asked him what had happened, and he said he was losing power and wanted to keep with the flow of traffic, and to do so engaged the overdrive.  I said to him that I never touch the overdrive, to which he just shrugged.

So this morning I had to drive him to school, and he said he didn’t want the dogs to come along.  I said, “Well then you’re taking the bus, because I’m not leaving without the dogs.”  Seeing that there was finally a line that was not going to be crossed, he had to acquiesce, though he refused to allow them the front seat.  Ricky perched on my neck as usual, but poor Arnie and Mojo had to sit on the back seat.

I’ve had a nice invitation to be the guest speaker at the holiday wine tasting event at the BC Wine Museum on December 6th.  It’s called Glitter and Gold, and apparently will feature bubblies, late harvests, ice wines and ports.  After my talk we are to adjourn to the wine room where guests will sample my cakes with a variety of ports.  To which I said, “Wahoo!”

On Friday night I made chicken enchiladas, on Saturday shrimp jambalaya, on Sunday chicken cashew stir-fry and last night lightly floured red snapper fried in butter, accompanied by mashed yams and steamed brussels sprouts.  So, today I announced that there is a Rising Crust Pizza in the oven, and people can either eat that, or starve.  At this point, it’s every man for himself as I work like a frightened idiot until December 25th.

Did I not say one month ago that making smaller fruitcakes would lead to insanity?  This may come as quite a shock, but I’m going to be packaging over 1,000 smaller fruitcakes for Nokia Canada!  Thankfully, Marilyn’s going to be baking with me for the next two weekends so that I’ll have enough product for the onslaught.

And what an onslaught I’m expecting, if the craft event at Prospera Place was a foreshadowing.  They opened the doors at 11:00 AM, and within ten minutes I’d made the first sale.  After that, I was just slinging fruitcakes at people right and left.  Mom came to help, and left at 3:00, ashen-faced from the experience.  She couldn’t move from her spot, maniacally putting pieces of fruitcake samples into muffin cups as fast as her hands would go.

There were the usual suspects at the event: the dad with the four shabbily-dressed kids pushing samples of everything and anything into their mouths; the pregnant woman worried that the amount of booze in the sample piece might be harmful; the mentally ill devout person, hoping to convert the hapless vendor on the spot.

Of course, there were also the serious shoppers, and those who said they’d bought last year and who were happy to have found me once again.

Gerry had accompanied mom, so went into the bleachers to listen to his books on tape for four hours.  I suspect he spent a bit of that time sleeping.  Once it was time to go, mom had to search for him briefly, and once found, they were out of there as fast as they could go.  Mom still had five cases of fruitcakes to deliver to Buy Low Foods in Osoyoos!  I hope I’m that spry at 82.

Next week an article will appear in Okanagan Life Magazine, so that should be exciting.  I also contacted Steve MacNaull of the Daily Courier, and will do the same with Maxine Dehart of the Capital News.  I also e mailed someone who I’ve know for over 40 years, who happens to be the owner of the Osoyoos Times.  Sometimes it helps to be from a small place!

Or, sometimes it just helps to be brash.  I e mailed the food writer from the Victoria Times Colonist and asked if I could send him some more fruitcakes.  I reminded him that he’d written a lovely article last year and how much it helped my sales.  He e mailed back and said, sure, go ahead and send them.  So, hopefully I’ve covered some major areas with these latest efforts.

Because of all of that, I’ve neglected the garden entirely, so am behind in my yearly ritual of digging up the dahlia bulbs and storing them.  I still plan to do it, but now with the packaging and shipping for the Nokia order, I’m trying to figure out how all of these things will get done.  Certainly it would not occur to family members, often found in recumbent positions around the home, to offer.

I find it strange that no matter how many sit-ups I do at the gym, my stomach remains problematical.  However, I believe it is quite likely the result of an overabundance of calories.  Mom and Gerry just returned from a trip to Germany where they toured the Ritter Sport chocolate factory.  Mom just couldn’t resist buying one or two of each kind they make, and believe me, they make a lot of kinds.  She dropped off a zippered plastic bag of them for me, and I’m working my way through the varieties.  The rum truffle is one of my fav’s, for sure.

Not that I am the only living creature who was ever addicted to chocolate.  We had a cat who was originally named Mimi, then called Stripe by me and Maugel (which means whiner in German) by my dad.  She used to jump on the kitchen table where my dad fed her a large tin of almond roca.  Not all at once, of course, but over several weeks that cat had eaten the whole tin.

Fruitcake orders are now coming in daily, and that’s a good thing.  As the stores are now fully decked out in Christmas plumage, people are starting to think about it.  A nice woman in Vancouver ordered 20 from my site!  I was also heartened to see that Sunshine Market is moving them nicely.  This is due to return customers, so that’s wonderful, too.

What’s not so great is Nicky’s newly-found penchant for entrepreneurship.  He isn’t one himself, but hangs at work with the guys who contract to Telus, so thinks he’s a wealth of knowledge.  The other night I was sitting in the living room, alternately cutting parchment paper for the tins and snipping dried apples.  He came in, and said that he was happy to see that I was actually getting with the progran and perhaps there was a chance I would be able to meet my orders.

I’ve learned that keeping my mouth shut at times like this is best.  There’s little to be gained from getting into a verbal battle with Nicky as it just ends badly.  So, I just practice mentally and emotionally absenting myself from the situation.  Kind of the way I had to cope with math while in school.

After weeks of baking every weekend with Marilyn, I had last weekend entirely off.  Denis’ brother Kevin and his wife Denise visited, so it was a chance to cook like a crazy person.  We had a lovely dinner of chicken souvlaki, homemade tsaziki and pita, roasted potatoes and Greek salad on Friday.  On Saturday I made a pot roast with mashed potatoes and gravy and a Caesar salad.  Actually, both dinners involved a couple of bulbs of garlic, which is just so healthy.

But now I have to get ready for the big Christmas craft event, which means going to the bank for change, buying muffing cups and bags, and cutting up a dozen fruitcakes for samples.  More importantly, I have to choose my wardrobe, and this will be tough as I want to wear shoes that are halfways comfy.  You know what that means – the entire outfit will be ruined!

Gardeners are an odd lot, as we get mysterious joy from doing something like planting bulbs in the fall.  I bought 60 tulip bulbs the other day, 35 pink and 25 yellow, and planted them along the driveway.  It nearly killed me to dig out the old tulips, and in the end I succumbed to kneeling and digging with a hand shovel.  My back simply would not tolerate the angle required for the full sized shovel.

But now I can dream of the drifts of pink and yellow that will greet me each day next April or May.  Actually by February I’ll be out there studying the ground looking for signs of life.  Now that’s fun!

This morning I realized that the house’s feng shui was terrible, due to an overload of dirt.  As I’ve been baking and doing all of the things associated with that, I’ve neglected the house terribly.  So, I began in the entrance and dusted, washed, and cleaned myself silly.  I moved into the kitchen and dining area, and by then ta da! the phone rang and a nice woman from a cute sounding store on Saltspring Island ordered two cases of Okanagan Harvest Cake!

I then went downstairs to turn on the auto-clean for the ovens, and when I came back to my e mail an order had been placed from a highly-recommended store in Calgary! Tomorrow I shall move into the living room, and then continue throughout the house until I have more orders than I know what to do with.  It is truly amazing how feng shui works.  Removing dirt and clutter is definitely Step One.

For someone who loathes technology, this next step in the business may be a doozy.  I’ve applied for the ability to accept credit cards.  Part of it involves getting one of those adorable credit card machines, so I can swipe people’s cards to my heart’s content.  I’ll be giving it a whirl at the upcoming tsunami known as the Christmas craft event at Prospera Place.  A report will be forthcoming.

Nicky now says he wants a $400 winter jacket from a store called Island Snow.  I suggested he try Winners first, but he said he wanted to look “like all the other kids” at university.  Both Denis and I cried and whined, and I think we have him buying it himself.  However, just now he stated quite emphatically that he expected Christmas to be big to compensate.

Tonight I expect we’ll have our usual complement of about six trick or treaters for Halloween.  Nonetheless the other day I thought it would be a good idea to get a two kg. bag of mini Oh Henry’s, Reese’s Peanut Butter Cups and Glosette peanuts and raisins.  After several dizzying nights, I’ve come to the conclusion that Halloween candy is best bought on the day of the occasion.