Fat in a Funny Place

I know there are deposits of fat all over my body, however I would never have suspected where it was recently found:  You may or may not recall last June I was acting like a nut because I was afraid I might have gotten Lyme disease from a couple of ticks on my body.  It turns out it was just a strange coincidence I had a patch of numb skin on my leg and a swollen salivary gland, as I didn’t have Lyme.

The salivary gland swelling continues to happen when I eat or drink, and my mouth decides to produce saliva.  It can’t get out into that little spot in your mouth where it drains, so the parotid gland under the ear swells.  I had an ultrasound last year which showed nothing and then another the other day, as I told the doc I just couldn’t imagine myself milking the duct to get the saliva out for the rest of my life.

She sent me for another ultrasound, and then called with the results.  I was expecting to be diagnosed with a rare facial cancer, but no.  She said there’s fat in the salivary gland duct.  A lump or piece of fat!  Why it would get caught in the tiniest of places is pretty much of a mystery, and when I asked what can be done, she said just keep on massaging to get it out of there.

This is fine for the pets and myself at home, as I can gently massage the duct so the saliva can get out, however in restaurants or at friends’ homes, I feel this will be one of those anti-social antics people hate.  It reminds me of a joke I liked on Facebook. “With apologies to the woman at the Pancake House, you pee on a jelly fish sting, not a jelly stain.”

So between the gland and the painful knee due to a ligament strain, I pretty much need as many carbohydrates as possible at all meals.  Whereas for about five years I endeavoured to keep carbs low, now I keep them super high.  But I’ve made up my mind, this has got to stop, because it appears Superstore is never, ever going to raise the price of After Eight Mints to normal levels.

The ligament strain is on the right knee, which makes driving very painful.  So as Elsa and I drove to the thrift stores the other day, at times the pain caused me to put both hands firmly around the knee, at which point Elsa had to grab the wheel and steer.  The backroad is super windy, so it was quite the trip there and back again.  However, when it comes to hunting for treasures, very little stops us.

Calvin found a nice chicken watering device at Canadian Tire which I looked at and went I wonder how this works, as it looks like the chickens have to suck the water from nipples. I was afraid the chickens wouldn’t know how to use it, but it turns out they’re a lot smarter than I am.  Calvin went in this morning to show them, but they’d already figured it out.

And so you can imagine how perplexing the iPhone is to someone who doesn’t understand a chicken waterer.  I made one run at it by asking two clerks at London Drugs about a sim card for Mexico, and that was a bust, which frightened me so horribly it’ll take another day or two for me to find the courage to make another attempt.  It’s sad to be dumber than a chicken.

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