How to Cripple Yourself

I know for sure I don’t have to water ski, ride a horse, do an aerobics class or play a game of croquet in order to injure myself.  Now all I have to do is go from sitting to standing which is how I totally trashed my right knee.  I’m limping around like an ancient person thinking at least those are a lot of unnecessary things I can now cross off my list of things I may or may not have planned to do.

Fortunately I can still shop so Elsa and I were at thrift the other day and hauled home the usual back seat full of treasures.  I got a nice rust-coloured cowl neck sweater which is super soft and looks new, and then for the heck of it got a sleeveless floor-length dress for summer, as though I need more of them.  But for $12 for the two items I thought I’d throw caution to the wind.

But speaking of caution, this time I’m actually going to have a cell phone with me when I land in Puerto Vallarta and attempt to meet Margaret at the airport.  Calvin’s mom got a new phone so lent me hers for the trip so I can see if a cell phone is fun or not.  Calvin got it all set up for me so now all I need is a sim card and then I can try to make phone calls.

So far I tried to turn it on, and found that too hard so have put it away.  This was two weeks ago, so I do hope at some point I have the courage to try and turn it on again.  Once I’ve done that, maybe I can send an e mail or text to Margaret to practice.  I only need to reach one human being on one day so surely the Fates will allow that.

My friend Sharon came for lunch a while ago and mentioned she hauled out her “good” China and she and Peter were now using it.  I told her that’s a fantastic idea as I see the most beautiful things at thrift, too good to have been used by their owners, inherited, and now out of fashion and given to thrift, unused!

My whole house is a shrine to things kept in mint condition, then thrown to thrift where I get them for a few dollars.  Some, such as needle points and embroidered tablecloths are all heartbreaking in the hours of work put into them.  But for some reason people want very cheap items, preferably made in bulk in China, because they’re “new.”

Our dear chickens are now laying an egg each per day, so that’s 42 eggs a week.  When Calvin comes toward me with his hands full of eggs I back up, hands up, screaming NOOOOOO.  I’m eating scrambled eggs, eggs poached on fried potatoes, omelettes and baking with them and will take the overflow to mom and Jan on Friday.

The kid explained when you get egg-laying chickens, this is actually what occurs.  I said I guess I just thought I wanted chickens to hang around with, but if they insist on giving us eggs, too, then fine.

Besides the physical crippling I can now accomplish from standing, I’d like the Superstore to finally be rid of the 50% off Christmas chocolates so that one doesn’t have to wake up in the morning feeling particularly ill from half a box of After Eight Mints.  But at $3.99 for a 300-gram box it’d be irresponsible not to buy them.

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