Hurricane Simulator

When I left Untouchable, the salon I go to inside Orchard Park Mall, I noticed a young boy in a booth.  The sign on it said, “Hurricane Simulator”, and the mom was standing outside the glass door waiting for the kid.  A dial showed the strength of the wind being simulated, and I could see the kid was pretty amused at the  experience he was having.

What kind of a brilliant mind thought of this little money trap?  It’s made me think of other simulations one could try in a booth, such as Trapped in a Mine.  The entire booth would become pitch black, humid and very hot.  Or, a Frustration Simulator, in which you’d be re-routed dozens of times while trying to make a call to a business using their automated phone system.

I’m currently in my own Anxiety Simulator, though it’s more real than simulated at this point.  Orders are coming in at a rate much greater than in the past, and so perhaps this tiny business is finally going to turn a corner.  It’s wonderful, really, and that’s why I’m trying to get a grip on the negative aspects of it.

Yesterday I delivered four cases of fruitcakes to the Osoyoos Buy-Low Foods and two cases to the Bench Market in Penticton.  If all current customers re-order, I am dead.  I’ll actually have to haul my lazy carcass downstairs and start baking again. This will be fun, because I’ll also be packaging and shipping at the same time!

And speaking of fun, I finally did something that I’ve heard of, but never thought I would do: on-line dating.  It’s true. I signed up for two sites, and now I’m getting profiles of men, and wondering what to do.  As usual, technology has me completely buffaloed, but I’m going to soldier on.

Here are some hints to those of you who may be thinking of doing this.  When writing your profile, don’t write, “I don’t have a lot of time for a relationship,” as we question why you bothered to spend an hour to fill out their questionnaire.  Or, “I am a veracious (sic) reader.”   You obviously don’t read with a lot of absorption.

At dinner the other night when I was describing some of the profiles on the site, Nicky asked if I’d written in mine that I can cook.  I said I had.  He said, “Good, that’ll help because cooking’s a big plus.”  Even Nicky’s not above brain-storming ways to get his mom’s profile noticed.

Never mind on-line dating, but on-line shopping’s become my new friend.  I’ve just ordered more detritus from Future Shop and am thinking it beats the hell out of skulking up and down the aisles, trying to find an available clerk.  And if it’s not something I need to examine in the flesh, then why not just order it on-line?

Too bad the mate-matching isn’t as easy, as one does have to interview these prospects face to face.  Perhaps a big seller for singles would be the Dating Simulator, wherein you’re trapped in a booth with a bore for 60 minutes.

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