Martha’s Mayo a Major Miss

I often tear recipes out of newspapers and magazines, and did the same with a homemade mayonnaise recipe in this month’s Martha mag.  I was quite excited about it, as I recalled making mayonnaise 25 years ago, and loving it.  As I now have my herb planter in full swing, I had my heart set on some mayo with herbs to accompany some lovely wee new potatoes.  Of course part of the excitement is whipping the family into a frenzy of anticipation about it, too.

Imagine my sadness when the oil I drizzled into the eggs refused to become incorporated, instead separating.  I added the requisite tablespoon of lemon juice, so then I had coddled, separated eggs and oil.  Very disappointing, indeed.  Nonetheless, I had to carry on, so just got out the good old Hellmann’s and added the chopped herbs.  Everyone was fine with it, so all was well for that night.

 Because chocolate and mayo have become my life’s companions, I’ve decided the only recourse for this stomach is this season’s short smock, or else a mini tent.  I need an item of apparel that is fitted at the shoulders, then balloons comically over the corpulent middle.  When worn over a fitted pair of shorts, this could work as my legs have remained normal-sized.  When I mentioned to a youngish, thinnish woman the other day that I go to fitness four times a week, I noticed her eyebrows shot up.

Here in Kelowna we’re expecting the Mountain Pine Beetle to come in and eat up all of our trees.  I, however, have decided that I’m not putting up with it, so bought $600 worth of packets of pheromones which one staples to the trees.  They have to be attached at around 3 metres off the ground, so I had to get Denis to help me.  Those projects always turn into a lot of amusement for the neighbours.  At one point I screamed a very bad word at Denis, and then were was a brief flurry of strong language on both sides.  The storm soon blew over, however, and we managed to do 20 trees.

The garden is looking fantastic, though sadly I see that several of the dahlia bulbs I bought this spring are obvious duds.  Some of my over-wintered bulbs are looking good, so it will be a lot of fun to see a familiar bloom in August.  Sometimes when I take them out in November I have the sense to label them, but at other times, I don’t.  Then, I just wing it in May and wonder who is going to be where.

Imagine the force of will required, but I phoned one of my regular customers, the Kelowna Wine Museum, and of course they ordered!  It’s silly, isn’t it, to just sit here feeling bloated when I should be getting out and about and selling like a wild hyena.  Plus, I have a new angle: made and delivered locally.  Yes, I feel I can probably do a nice manageable business right here in our lovely Valley.  Take that, carbon credit junkies.

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