I’m sorry, but over five months of heat is starting to annoy the hell out of me.  Though it’s lovely to see the dahlias blooming away, it’s tiresome to be watering like a medieval peasant week in and week out.  Every time we’re told it’s going to rain, it doesn’t, so on top of heat we have drought.

The City of Kelowna is up to its usual antics, and I’m trying to get people to sign a petition to stop them from spending a quarter of a billion dollars on an improved rec centre.  There’s a group called kelownaconcernedresidents.com who have spearheaded this, and I feel for them as to get 10% of all citizens to vote no on this is a tough go when only 30% care enough to vote civically.

I was in Osoyoos last weekend and made a faux Thanksgiving dinner that included a stuffed and roasted chicken, mashed potatoes and gravy, yams topped with marshmallows and brussels sprouts.  In other words, the usual fare except no turkey as the group was too small for that.

Mom’s all excited about my upcoming trip to Germany as she knows at nearly 99 she’s never going to see that country again.  I’m excited about the food I plan to eat as I was raised on southern German fare thanks to my gramma who was such an excellent cook.  Sadly that skill skipped my mom, but it seems one that I have acquired.

I’m going with carry-on so I have to figure out how to get 25 Ritter Sport chocolate bars into that small suitcase upon my return.  I suppose some can go into my purse, a few into coats pockets and then some spread about in the bag.  My friend Petra queried why I would bother when London Drugs carries them, but I explained to her at the factory’s store near where the relatives live, you can get dozens of varieties, most of which are not available in Canada.  Pity.

I have a bunch of old German stamps my grampa bought when their money was being devalued after the war, and I wondered if I should haul those along but have found out most dealers aren’t interested. And really when I need all the room for chocolate, if no one buys the stamps I’d have a conundrum on my hands.

I had the former gym women over for coffee last week, and no one eats anything at these events though whoever hosts it either bakes stuff or buys it.  I decided to outsmart the women and made only two items.  Either they could have freshly made pumpkin pie or else nice healthy seed crackers. Guess what they ate?  Yup, they said no thanks to the pie and nibbled on a few crackers but predictably, I had a piece of pie.

They also own really well-behaved dogs who go to dog trainers, and so my pups are always a bit of entertainment.  At one point they both raced to the door barking furiously and the women said oh is there someone at your door?  I said no, I think someone must’ve moved somewhere in the neighborhood as they’re very sensitive to sound.

I’ve checked the long-range forecast in southern Germany and of course now it’s nice and warm but around the time I arrive it looks like clouds and rain.  I have no idea how to dress or pack for that given I live in the Sahara Desert.  I told my cousin I’m not packing an umbrella and will borrow one, because as we know, there’s no room in my suitcase for stuff like that.

When friends come over and look down at my flower garden they go wow, that’s beautiful, and I say only from a distance.  It’s a disaster close-up due to weeds and also just the interplanting that causes terrible overcrowding issues.  Then the other day I was looking at myself in the magnifying mirror and went Gaaah! And I thought my god I’m so much like the garden, only good from a distance.

Such are the ravages of age.  Though speaking of age, yesterday when Elsa and I were hunting for treasures I found a beautiful, vintage Dalton bowl embossed with fruit that cost $2.00.  People who’ve eaten here know that I’m not normal near China and of course don’t need another bowl, however this one sparked a beneficial and much-needed cupboard clean-out as I searched for a place to put it.

I’ve saved my grandmother’s chipped and stained coffee and tea pots for decades, yet when I looked at them yesterday, I realized they’re not worth keeping.  I have a lot nicer mementoes of my gramma than that beaten-up stuff.  You wonder why your karma’s stuck at times, then you clean a couple of shelves of greasy old dirt and suddenly the improved feng shui helps you move forward.

Apparently that’s what happened as I decided I need to go to Germany to see the relatives a few weeks ago but was unable to book a flight.  I’m frightened of how tired a person can become on international flights when one cannot sleep so I had made grandiose statements such as I don’t care how much it costs, I’m getting a lie-flat seat.

I am not getting a lie-flat seat as they’re over $7,000.  This caused me to abort the search entirely, and finally I called a travel agent at Lakeside Travel in Osoyoos and she’s booked the whole thing for me.  I’m biting the bullet and paying a lot for a Premium Economy seat as perhaps the extra space will allow me to sleep.  If not, I wasted a ton of dough as right now I could fly economy to Europe for $600.

Another treasure I found at thrift yesterday is a small pillow that says I AM RETIRED.  Then under that it says Don’t ask me to do a damn thing.  I have it sitting on my couch and it’s not only a nice match in colour, but the perfect note in case anyone has any smart ideas about what I should be doing. 

Though I have plenty to do around this house and yard at all times, and I just finished painting the railing around the front porch.  A nice handyman had replaced the rotten spindles and railing, and so it needed to be painted, and I figured really, how hard can this be?  I guess I should’ve thought of Marie’s dad who said to her, “If someone hands me a paintbrush, I’ll know I’m in Hell.”

Did you know there’s virtually no way to get paint off concrete?  I had to throw out the clothes I was wearing to paint, and also noticed I got white paint under a few fingernails which actually looks quite nice.  The next time something needs painting would someone please remind me that I have the skills of a blind bat?

Calvin was hungover the other day and I provided him my tested remedy of two Advil and one Gravol which he reported as being helpful.  Though time does ravage one, it also provides a lot of life experiences which can help in mentoring the young.

It was excellent timing for Judy to have her gym women’s get together yesterday.  This is a small group of us from the Woman’s Place gym, some former and some still current members.  Judy has a lovely pool and since it was her turn to host, she said let’s meet in the afternoon instead of the morning and make it a pool party.  Hurray!

It was still hot and sunny, albeit a bit smoky around the edges yesterday, but today we had clouds and now I see a few drops of rain.  I sure hope it amounts to a lot more than that given we’ve had the horrendous fires due to the drought.  It must be such a strange feeling for the tourists who are lah dee dahing about on holiday while thousands of locals are losing their minds.

During the height of the fires when West Kelowna was burning down and it made the news all over the world, I was contacted by a friend in New York and relatives in Germany all going are you okay?  I had to reply not only was I okay, but I basically knew as much as they did as all I could see from here was white sky and so had to follow the news for updates.

Though so far from the actual fire it was amazing to see burned pine needles littering the deck and smudges of burnt embers on the driveway and carport floor.  Years ago, we had cedar shakes but now at least I have an asphalt roof which is somewhat better, but one likely needs a metal one in this new environment.

A week ago, I was in Osoyoos and sitting in the dining room of mom’s house with Gord her handyman and all-around caretaker.  He was looking toward the willow tree and said oh there’s a deer over there and I looked and said no, that’s a bear!  Luke was heading over and Gord went out and said there’s a bear under the willow, so he walked over smartly and came into the house.

We sat around pounding back drinks and then the usual walkers appeared here and there, and we said should we warn them, and then went nah, that bear’s not gonna charge out and hurt anyone.  Later it wandered across the road and Luke said that’s one of the juveniles that was born this spring.

My laptop was acting scary so Calvin ordered a nice new one for me, and Lenovo informed me UPS would deliver it on Friday.  I sat at home all day waiting for the delivery then around 5:00 went out to the coop and at the gate was a note “Sorry we missed you.”  Yeah, sorry I don’t have a couch and TV at the gate, eh?

You probably know intermittent fasting is all the rage these days so lately I tried to fast for 14 hours and eat for 10.  Well.  Did you know you can still gain weight if you eat twice as much during a shorter amount of time?  I think the point is not to eat like a horse but to eat normally and yet that’s something I’m still working on conquering anyway, never mind giving me a time limit.

Elsa and I were at Costco today because she has a card and so once in a while there are items I want to buy.  We noticed an awful lot of moms stocking up on back to school stuff and what looked like kids’ lunch foods.  It made me so very glad I have nothing to do with back to school anything.

In the summer when I make jam I think of my dear granny.  She made dozens and dozens of jars daily in her un-airconditioned kitchen in Osoyoos and these were then sold at the fruit stand.  The season began in July with cherries, then went on with apricots, plums and finally peaches.  I still make apricot and peach jams just the way she did.

It’s her birthday today.  She was born 124 years ago in Germany and came to Osoyoos in 1950 with my grampa as they hadn’t seen their only child, my mother, in 11 years due to the war.  I believe it was quite a shock for them coming from the bustle of Europe to the tiny little town of Osoyoos, but they didn’t complain.

We had a “too many cooks spoil the broth” situation in Osoyoos just now with the peaches.  There are 19 trees of Glow Havens between mom’s house and the modular.  On the BC Day long weekend Luke and Jan came to Kelowna with about 80 pounds of peaches, half of them quite green.

I said what the hell are you doing?  These aren’t ready until the end of August, why did you pick them, to which Luke replied that they will ripen.  A small fight ensued whereby I said they need a certain ground colour to ensure ripening, and asked why in the name of God in Heaven he didn’t just leave the small green ones to ripen?

Luke alleged it was Jan’s fault as she hadn’t thinned enough.  I said to both of them next year just leave a lot of space between each peach so they’ll get big.  He said he had to pick the small green peaches as they were breaking the branches, and I said whatever, they’re not ripe and I’ve lived on a farm and you haven’t.  Luke said he knows, and I don’t.

A week later I was in Osoyoos and mom was going berserk as she thought the peaches were ready and she was freaking out that they would drop and therefore go to waste.  She said phone a bunch of people and get them over here to pick.  I said I can, but wouldn’t it be better to wait a bit?

Nope, mom wanted those peaches picked so a bunch of people were contacted and the trees were stripped.  Luke came home from work one day and went what the hell??  I said that’s what happens when gramma gets a bee in her bonnet.  But I do hope next year we can thin properly and perhaps even wait until the fruit is fully ripe.

The dogs were pretty proud of themselves as they caught a rat that had been living in the chicken coop.  About a week ago I went in and lifted one of the nesting boxes and a brown object darted past me, up the wall and into a space up there.  The dogs were stymied and kept looking up but I said to them you know you’re kind of disappointing as hounds go.

A few days after that we went in and I lifted the end nest box and again, zoom, the rat ran the length of the coop and straight up the wall.  Again, the dogs were thwarted.  Finally a couple of days ago I think they formed a strategy as I heard screaming and then saw a dead rat right where it would be about to scurry up the wall.  They must’ve figured out you have to get the rat prior to it reaching any heights.  Good dogs!

It only took 33 years, but I think I finally got the hang of vegetable gardening.  This year everything’s doing really well, and I’ve even managed to grow cantaloupes which is a total miracle.  The one thing I have in huge abundance is cucumbers, so I make myself a cuke salad every day.  Grated cuke, drained, then add oil, vinegar and salt.

I’ve been cooking like a mad person, because as you know, I made lasagne and butter chicken for the visit with the nieces and their families.  I figured with that kind of a choice, everyone should be happy and they all seemed to be fine with the food.  This was followed by Margaret’s visit, and the day she left Alison arrived.

Alison and I are an incredible cooking duo so happily took on the task of making the après memorial dinner for the Ya Ya’s.  Now there’s just six of us left so not a challenge for us at all.  Alison made Ina Garten’s panko-crusted salmon which was well-received.  I made mom’s apricot crisp which we served warm with vanilla ice cream.

Mom was shocked and perturbed to be shooed from the party, but we wanted to be able to reminisce about Rhonda, and our high school days, in peace.   We marvelled at her widower, Ron, who spoke for an hour at the memorial.  I was the last person to speak and read my one-pager which hopefully had a couple of laughs for people, and I mercifully didn’t make an ass out of myself by crying.

Marie took me to Earl’s for a belated birthday lunch which was fab however after that we walked through City Park, and it was so damned hot I thought I would die.  Not as hot as the ruins at Tulum, but very close.  Marie said one day we should go to the beach and swim and I said, “I’ve never swum in Okanagan Lake.”  I’ll fly to Mexico to swim in the Caribbean, but I won’t swim in my own lake.

Tomorrow Elsa and I will be busy treasure-hunting, and then one day this week I really do need to have a squished ring cut off my finger.  How it happened is quite hard to do as I managed to drop a large watermelon directly on that area of my finger.  I could’ve dropped it anywhere, so you see the skill involved in this.  In any case the ring is flat on one side and no longer turns so it has to be removed, repaired, and re-sized.

The small town of Osoyoos is battling a forest fire right at this moment, however it seems to be less of a threat than it was a day ago.  Mom, Luke and Jan live north of town so aren’t in the evacuation area which is good as I’d hate to think of what would happen.  The three of them would go, hey, mom’s got spare bedrooms and surprise! we’ve been evacuated and here we are.  Hurray, more cooking!

Remember how I had a fit in the spring because all of my dahlias came out of storage mucky and rotten?  So I bought quite a few, and was given a bunch, and this year my garden is looking better than it has in a long time and I have a very wide variety of dahlias to boot.  It’s funny how sometimes a terrible event can end up being a godsend in disguise.

Just like the other day when I realized I’d have to stop at a liquor store on my way home from Osoyoos as I was out of tequila.  I was too lazy to do so, and then when I got home was thrilled to discover I had a bottle I hadn’t seen.  No stop at the store yet I was rewarded with sweet elixir.

It’s over 30 degrees and has been for quite a long while, so I spend my days lugging hoses around, watering and weeding a bit while I’m at it.  I have a bumper crop of everything this year, cucumbers, tomatoes, beans and figs.  I think it’s from the long, hot summer plus the gallons and gallons of water.  A win-win for my plants, but less so for everything else as we appear to be in a drought.

Because of the intense heat I do all of this garden stuff in the morning, then spend the afternoons inside the air-conditioned house doing things like ironing Calvin’s work shirts, repairing Louie’s stuffed donkey as he likes to tear out the stuffing, baking, cooking and writing this blog.  I know most landlords don’t iron their tenants’ shirts, but as I had two boys it just makes sense to keep going with a third.

We have a big Schiller shindig set for this Wednesday as Julie and family plus Sunny and family will be coming to Osoyoos.  I’ve already made and froze butter chicken and am now making meat sauce as I’ll also make lasagne so people can eat whatever they like.  I made a pound cake, and will buy raspberries and make a custard for a raspberry trifle.

But then the next day when I get back home Margaret’s arriving so I bought some nice foods for us and when she leaves on the 23^rd, Alison arrives so will be cooking for her, too, which I love to do.  I just feel so discouraged about the size of my gut and can see there’s no way to deal with it now.

I had a nice birthday party with the Crones at King Taps on July 12^th, and then a birthday dinner at mom’s in Osoyoos on July 13^th.  It was so damned hot we had to eat inside as it wasn’t possible to sit out on mom’s deck.  But that’s pretty much how my birthday always is, hot.

I met my pal Ralph from UBC days for a farewell lunch as he and Pauline are moving to Sooke to be with grandkids.  I asked him how they came to that decision, and Ralph’s one of these adorable people who basically takes you back to Genesis and then forward from there but I don’t think he ever did get right to the part as to why they decided to move.  He loves to talk, so it’s quite relaxing to just listen.

I’m currently watching a reality show on Netflix called Alone set in the Arctic, which is quite fascinating.  So far two people have spent quite a bit of time vomiting, one from eating a muskrat and the other from salmon eggs.  They have to hunt for their food so you can imagine after ten days without any a medium-rare muskrat would hit ya the wrong way.

It’s Rhonda’s memorial next week and all six remaining Ya Ya’s will be attending, so that’s really nice for Ron.  He asked us to write something, or to speak if we want, and I think I will try to write something however as I’m a crybaby I can’t really see myself up there, but who knows.

I recall sobbing on the bed the day of our graduation from high school as I was the valedictorian and was emotional about my speech.  Luckily I had mom who told me in no uncertain terms to suck it up or I’d make a total ass of myself.  I did the speech, no tears.

As you know my school reunion group are women I’ve known from age six and on.  You may also recall my friend Liz died in 2012 reducing our group to seven, and now our dear Rhonda has died as well, so now it’s the six of us.  At a loss of 25% of the group, I’d say that’s a pretty large number, and of course awful for us to lose another wonderful person.

I told her widower the story of when we were maybe in grade two or three, and Rhonda said her mom was pregnant.  I, being a particularly stupid kid, asked what’s pregnant? And Rhonda laughed her adorable evil little laugh and explained it meant she was going to have a baby.  I’m sure I would’ve proudly said to mom “Mrs. Shaw is pregnant” which would’ve elicited a gasp that a child would know such a salacious word.

At recess and lunch at Osoyoos Elementary Junior Secondary School we all played strange ball games, one of which began “one, two, three a Larry”, and you would swing your leg over the ball as you’d bounce it.  We also did rope skipping wherein a person would be at each end of a giant rope and you’d have to wait for just the right moment and then jump in without stepping on the rope.  I stunk at that.

However besides being the smartest girl in the class, Rhonda was great at the ball games, skipping, and she later played saxophone in the band.  We were cheerleaders together from grades seven to ten after which time we all had to head to Oliver for grades 11 and 12.  Rhonda and I rode the same bus as we lived north of town.

She was such a loyal friend she made each reunion: Parksville when we turned 40, Canmore at 50, Sam (Renate’s) place in Palm Springs when we turned 60, Kalamalka Lake at 65, and now she’s going to miss our 70^th next year which she would hate to do.  We know she’ll be there in spirit.

Now that Calvin has a job and is away all day it’s my job to entertain his cat Felix.  His favourite thing to do is to escape so I’ve spent quite a bit of time chasing the cat in this heat.  But he’s an indoor cat and wouldn’t know what to do with coyotes or cars.  He has a harness but the other day the little dickens got himself right out of it.

I tried to catch him for an hour, and then went “stay outside, cat”, and had to go to the store, so drove off.  All the way there and home I began imagining how I was going to tell Calvin the cat is dead, and just prayed to God he’d be there.  When I parked there was kitty under the handyman’s trailer.  I lured him downstairs with food, and slam! Cat caught.

Yes I said the handyman’s trailer.  You’ll recall in my last blog my nerves were being eroded and this continues.  He’s a super nice person, don’t get me wrong, but for someone who lives by this saying of Aristotle’s “Whosever is delighted in solitude is either a wild beast or a god,” constant presence punctuated by loud music is a no-no.

Roar!  But I have to calm down and think of Rhonda, and how she’d give anything to have her nerves jangled by Jazz Man at 90 Decibels.  We can’t seem to appreciate life until something awful happens, and then we might briefly seize the day, and then soon  enough, back to the same old, going SHUT THE XXXX UP OUT THERE.

Most people find things like a Brita filter quite straightforward to use, but not me.  I recall reading the instructions and it said always keep the filter wet or it will dry out and be useless, so I’ve always kept the water above the filter.  Then yesterday I was looking at the jug and I thought what’s the green sheen at the bottom and thought maybe it’s an optical illusion of some kind, but no, it was algae!

Isn’t that hilarious?  I’m using a Brita filter ostensibly to provide cleaner water, and here I’ve been ingesting algae, God knows for how long.  And why?  It’s because the instructions said keep the filter wet, and they didn’t add, however always empty the jug and clean it before adding new water.  Pity!

At this very moment as I type I’m having my nerves completely eroded by a tradesperson who’s going to replace my front porch and also replace part of the wooden deck with that fake wood.  I find it nerve-wracking to have people working on the property as it is, but this person has a penchant for oldies from the 70’s and 80’s, played so loud it feels as though it’s inside the house.

My pal and garden helper, Gilles, was already here this morning as well, as I realize there’s absolutely no way I can do all of the yard work on my own.  A lot of it has to do with the finite amounts of time I can spend outside due to the voracious mosquitoes.  And then there’s just the difficulty of weed whacking and my wimpiness with machinery.  I cannot start the Stihl weed whacker, so that’s that.

Petra, Donna and I had a lovely outing to Harvest Golf club for an early dinner, which we all love to do.  Dinner at eight is only possible in movies and our imaginations.  Harvest Golf is a gorgeous setting complete with man-made waterfall, surrounded by beautiful landscaping and of course an awe-inspiring view of the lake and City.

Due to the size of my stomach I decided I have to try to reduce it in order to be able to stand myself.  Of course it’s all very unpleasant at this point, but I’m trying to follow a low-carb way of eating so that I don’t have to say I’m on a diet, thereby driving straight to the store for three Oh Henrys.  This way I’m pretending eating like this is a ‘lifestyle’ however I can’t even fool myself.  I want chocolate.

I took myself to the Kelowna Actors Studio production of Sunset Boulevard on Saturday and it was enjoyable.  I sat next to a nice woman who turned to me and said “so you’re here all by yourself” to which I replied happily, “I am indeed!” and said nothing further about it.  I could’ve gone into a long song and dance of how I love doing stuff like that alone, but I thought why frighten the poor woman who was here with a friend.

The other day I turned on my computer and One Drive had decided to delete videos and photos that I had on my desktop.  Isn’t that just so like Microsoft?  I find computers mysterious as it is, but this one has me completely baffled, Calvin too and he has a Bachelor of Computer Science.

I bought a spiralizer at thrift and needed Calvin to show me how it works, as again, a degree is required for some of these gadgets.  Or maybe it’s me, as the Brita, weed whacker, laptop and now spiralizer have all flummoxed me completely.

Now that the hounds go into the coop every morning to hunt for the rat, it’s moved out, however Calvin said it sneaks in and steals chicken feed.  So I got a couple of sturdy Tupperware containers with lids for him to put the feed in, and plan to continue the hound inspections for safety’s sake.  I hated it when the rat ran out, nearly colliding with me, as the dogs had found it under one of the brood boxes I moved.

Then the other morning the dogs were insisting there was something behind the fridge.  As I moved it I saw a large rat dart out into the entrance, Frieda in hot pursuit.  Poor Louie was on the other side of the fridge so it took him a second longer to get there, and by then brave Frieda had killed the rat.  I showed it to Calvin who was quite impressed at the size.

And I can’t blame the dogs at all as it’s the cats who bring the rodents into the house and let them go.  Frieda emits a very high-pitched scream when I open the bedroom door in the mornings to let the dogs out if she’s smelled a rodent.  So the other day she sounded like a steam kettle leaving the room and both hounds ran to the back bedroom barking and scratching at the book case.

I moved it, and sure enough, Frieda came out holding a dead mouse.  They never eat them which is great, and it was so adorable as for a moment Louie also held the mouse so they were sharing it like the spaghetti scene out of Lady and the Tramp.  But as I’ve said before I really do get tired of the rodent bits lying around either balled in my blankets, or spat onto the ground.

As nice as the landscaping job is at mom’s, it involves small boulders and other gravel and so poor Louie tore off his baby toe nail on our last visit.  Alan made a path through the rocks so I’ll have to take Louie on it several times and admonish him if he tries to take a shortcut as he’ll just lose another nail.

He wouldn’t stop licking it so I called the nice vet to come and she said when a dog loses a claw like that the interior pulp stays behind, and this is the tiny piece of meat he was licking and licking.  She said I should get a baby sock and tape it on but I just keep threatening him with it.  “You’re gettin’ a sock” is shouted at him many times a day.

$136 later for the vet call plus antibiotics for the toe, so will be sure to train both dogs on the use of the path.  I’m going again on Wednesday and will have to steel my nerves for a two-nighter.  As I just said to my friends, I’m trying to cut down on the stress-shopping and the stress-eating however feel the stress-drinking is perfectly fine.

It rained for a couple of days a few days ago, so I bought some fabric at thrift and recovered a valance in the spare bedroom.  It was a mathematical puzzle at first, but I managed to do it and felt proud at the end result.  In many ways it’s kind of a miracle I did it at all given my happiness at wasting hours on You Tube videos.  But think of all the things I’m learning, free.

Already one of the sprinklers is leaking so I need the irrigation company, the key wouldn’t come out of the lock so I need a new set, and the faucet a plumber installed is loose, which needs fixing.  In other words, a life with small worries even with rats.

I don’t think I’ve ever met friendlier people than those in New York.  We stayed at an Airbnb in Brooklyn, took the subway to Manhattan daily, and everywhere we went we were helped, and we needed a lot of help.  It was several days into the visit before I fully understood we were on the subway going ‘Downtown’ to Brooklyn, and ‘Uptown’ meant Manhattan.  I think we only went the wrong way once, so we felt pretty proud of ourselves.

If someone told us where to go, and we began going the wrong way, people would run after us to help.  Once I asked a group of women in the bathroom after a play if anyone knew where the subway station for Brooklyn was, and a super nice woman said she was taking that train so we could accompany her.

We had the hilarious “run as fast as you can” to our connecting flight from Montreal to New York, but we made it, and after that I guess we just gave in to being over-stimulated and decided to do as much as we humanly could.  Both of us said this is likely the last time we’ll see New York City, so let’s try out best.

On our first day we went to the Empire State Building where they have an adorable museum and in one of the areas King Kong lurks outside a corner window, looking in at us menacingly.  For some reason we decided their gift shop would be fun, and both left going why oh why did I spend so much money on junk?

That day we wandered around 5^th Avenue, saw St. Patrick’s Cathedral and also the Rockefeller Centre, then through Central Park so were absolutely exhausted when we got home.  The next days were pretty much the same, Central Park, Times Square and we managed to see four plays: Sweeney Todd, Good Night Oscar, The Book of Mormon and Moulin Rouge.  Not cheap, but really worthwhile.

We spent four hours at the Museum of Natural History one day, and four hours at the Metropolitan Museum of Art the next.  Again, evil gift stores at both museums, and so we both went home with polished rocks, and I got a dinosaur-themed shot glass and a really lovely navy and white dragon-themed bowl at the Met.

One afternoon we met Jerry Jr who lives in Manhattan for a drink.  He met us at the Met and we walked through Central Park and tried to find the most expensive hoity toit bar we could, but were foiled.  We went into the Ritz, didn’t like the atmosphere, then tried the Plaza Hotel, but would’ve had to wait for a table, so we said forget it, and ended up at an Irish Pub where we could throw down drinks and thank the Gaels.

We saw the hilarious Naked Cowboy with his boots and hat playing guitar on Times Square.  I wanted to get a picture with him, but that would’ve meant giving him money and I said to Bev I don’t know where I’d have to stick the cash so I’d rather not.  Also saw a fabulous guy with a giant sign, Hell Is Real.  Bev said yeah, and we’re in it.

On our last day we visited Bev’s friend in Queens, then ended with a tour of the lovely Brooklyn Botanical Garden.  And then, sure as middle-aged stomach fat, we had the heart-stopping “run as fast as you can” to make our tight connection from Montreal to Vancouver.  Whoever plans these must just kill themselves laughing.