I love the garden, but I hate gardening, so I’ve discovered the best way to handle this is to bargain with myself. I say just go out for an hour, or even half an hour, and if you really can’t stand it you can stop. It seems to help me get out there every day to do something, whether watering, weeding or dead heading. Whatever works, I figure.

Feeling adventurous, I thought why not try shopping like most humans, and went to the mall. It was a bad experience as I wasn’t used to trying stuff on, as thrift stores have stopped allowing that. So in the change room I felt tremendous pressure to pick something, anything. I left one store with a sweater that’ll be fine in the fall, and I bought a pair of jeans at Reitman’s.

Two days later I returned the jeans, as I discovered I’m not a retail shopper, nor a jeans-wearer. I then thought maybe on-line shopping is the answer and ordered a pair of pants. When they arrived and I picked up the bag I thought my God these are heavy. Then tried them on and in winter if it’s below minus twenty, I should be fine in them. Not sure why I’ve kept them, maybe to forever remind myself that retail is wrong for this woman.

To whit: on Tuesday Elsa and I went treasure hunting and I came home with the back seat heaped in clothing. I got a pair of Michael Kors pants and also a top from the same company, and for a total of $8 I have a much better outfit than I could ever find at the mall for a couple of hundred.

I’ve discovered a good use for A.I. is to ask it questions about one’s food intake and weight. As a result, I think I managed to get rid of a couple of pounds of unsightly fat as I was reminded eating carbs is going to make for a very big stomach. It’s kind of like having your own life coach right at your fingertips.

Marie and I went out to lunch at Cactus Club down at the lake and each had a Bellini. Then we were asked by the manager if we wanted another and said no thanks. She said they’re free. We were like okay, where are the cameras? She said no gimmick, just a free drink and we said alright and were thrilled with ourselves.

The cats continue their rodent hunting and eating. Yesterday I stepped on something wet, cold and hard on the kitchen mat in front of the sink and went yikes! It was just the snout and one organ from what appeared to have been quite a large rat. The other day I unrolled my yoga mat, and a little mouse ran out only to be murdered instantly by the dogs.

I made the mistake of buying a 1.75 litre bottle of Cazadores tequila, and so there have been quite a few parties here for myself, the dogs and cats. They’re disinterested in cocktails but are good company as I down a couple of tequila sunrises. I’m not even going to bother asking A.I. if the grenadine is bad for the waistline. I don’t need a party pooper right now.

Joy! You can now go to the Okanagan Regional Library and find my memoir Nuttier than a Fruitcake, a Memoir of Batter, Blunders and Becoming. Please check it out and if you read it, give me your feedback, as I’m always trying to improve.

I’m now working on book 3 of the dog series, The Low-Down on Crime starring Louie and Frieda. My illustrator has done such a wonderful job I just hope my writing does justice to her excellent work.