We all knew it had to happen one day, we just didn’t know when that day would come. But now it appears that within just a few short months I might have the opportunity to live minus any offspring. After 30 years, I have to admit I’m kind of excited about it.

Probably wrong for a mother to admit it, but given the length of servitude, I think I’d have even Mother Teresa’s blessings on this. And like many momentous events, it happened completely by accident.

I’d gone to Osoyoos for a memorial for my old friend Joe Miller, and spent the night at mom’s. I arrived home on Sunday to see the green hide a bed from the basement cut into four pieces and thrown onto the perpetual garbage pile in the yard. Luke and Nicky happened to be standing in the carport.

I left the car like a hornet after an annoying hound, and screamed, “What happened to the hide a bed?” Nicky said “It stunk. Remember I told you it stunk, and even you said it smelled dusty downstairs.” He seemed aware of the fact his continued existence was precarious at this point.

I explained I hadn’t confirmed it was the hide a bed, and in any case, it’s my house, my yard and my stuff, so even if it stank to high Heaven, it’s all mine and nothing is to be sawed into pieces. Ever.

I went into the house, madder than a wet hen, and completely at my wit’s end over those kids. After a few hours of thinking and e mailing vile invectives to friends about my offspring, I made a simple decision: Everyone Out.

Gerry Bruck often told me of mammals that have to chase their offspring from the burrow once they get a certain age, and I always thought that sounded so harsh. However now I get it, I really do. Some offspring can’t be coaxed off; they have to be ordered off the premises.

And really, at 27 and 30, I think they can get started with their own dear lives. Haruka’s arriving at the end of November, and she wants to find a place for them to buy, as she doesn’t want to live in my basement. I love her.

Then I thought heck, if Nicky’s outta here, why not ask Luke to move his tools out of my garage, and then the accumulated garbage will be kept to a very small amount. And a bonus will be I can use the garage for any number of fun things. I can have my own ‘studio’ and say that while tilting my nose upwards.

So I’m now excited about the future of Hall Road, and have a new website which will take over from fruitcake.ca. This one is monischiller.com, and is still in the process of being born. Once that’s up, fruitcake comes down, and my writing life is official.

Denis, Nicky and I are off to Japan next week, and the dog and cats will have their very own house sitter, so I can relax and enjoy sushi, geishas and shrines by the thousands. I’ll report in after I return mid October. Sayonara.