Denis the Menace

Denis has done a lot of asinine things since we got married, but this one takes the cake.  As you know, I’ve been touring around the south of Germany with Nicky and our relatives.  I left a list of things to do, and not do, but I guess around here it is Opposite Day whenever I’m gone.

For example, on the list I wrote not to water the house plants, as I’d thoroughly watered them the day I left.  So when I got home and looked over at the plants by the large living room window, I wondered why in the world they looked so sad.  Surprise!  Some complete numbskull had drowned them in water.

Far more importantly, though, on the list I wrote, “Please check phone messages and return calls as necessary to let them know I’ll be back on May 8th.”  Imagine my surprise to have received an exciting message from the buyer at Urban Fare.  She said they’d changed their mind, and did want to order!

As it was #1 of 15 calls, I assume it came early on in my two-week absence.  I asked Denis if he’d called her and let her know, and guess what?  He didn”t.  I really and truly, honestly and completely understand manslaughter.  Something in the mind just clicks over, and there you are, standing over a corpse.

Not sure if I am able to rectify the situation, but have left a pleading and apologetic phone message, and as well I sent an e mail. That, plus the general filth in the house, garbage not set out for pick-up, flower beds around the garage left without water, etc., has put me into a terrible mood.

On the trip I read Augusten Burrough’s hilarious book Running with Scissors, and found solace in the character of Agnes Finch.  She lives with a total lunatic, and is so worn down by his antics that she eats dry dog food from the bag.  When the kids cut a hole in the kitchen ceiling to put in a skylight she is unmoved.  Oh, to be Agnes Finch!

Until I find that kind of acceptance, I’ll have to bury myself in the photos from the trip.  Our relatives were so kind, as we were driven all over the place and shown so many beautiful things.  We took a side trip to see one of Ludwig II’s castles called Herren Chiemsee.  As well, we were treated to Schwabian fare which has added about five pounds to my carcass.

The flights coming and going were living hell, as I’d expected.  Can anyone seriously sleep while sitting upright in a cramped seat?  I was quite surprised, though, to receive food as well as free alcohol.  Another piece of humanity was the unlimited amount of free movies.  I watched Burn After Reading, which I just adored.

The trip was a really great experience, and Nicky now loves Germany and his relatives which was my goal.  Now I just have to figure out how to work my way through feelings of hostility while remaining prison-free.

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