Tag Archive | youtube

Sure, I Eat Fruit

Jan23

I was in Osoyoos last week on what I thought would be a simple errand: dropping off Mom’s will at the Bank of Montreal and the Credit Union. Silly me. What actually happened was the closing of one account, the transferring of another, several forms, multiple online identity checks involving unflattering close-up photos of my face, and, because why not, a scheduled phone interview with someone in Eastern Canada. Apparently even dying now requires follow-up questions.

Nothing, as it turns out, is easy in this process.

While there, Luke and I got to talking about fruit. He said he eats two or three peaches a season. That sounded about right to me, I probably eat the same.

When I got home, however, I immediately polished off a box of cherry cordials from Purdy’s that my friend Jerralynn had brought me. She knows I like them enrobed in dark chocolate.

Afterward, I thought, See? I do eat fruit.Granted, the cherries have first been bleached in a lye bath, dyed with Red Dye #3, soaked in high-fructose corn syrup, and then sealed in chocolate, but still. I don’t know why I’m so hard on myself at times.

People are aghast that I should have the audacity to attempt to do the probate forms myself. I say piffle to that. If I get to a place where I simply can’t go on then I’ll hire a lawyer. But for now everything seems to be ticking along: Form P1 sent to the nieces, requested a Wills Notice Search, asked for and received a Date of Death Valuation Statement. All good so far.

The hardest part of the forms is the medium, not the message. Trying to figure out Adobe was fun at the beginning. When I was finally able to email the first form for Calvin to print for me, it was named “Form P1,10th Try.” But you have to hand it to me, I don’t give up easily.

I’ve sent a parcel to the kids in Japan which is always a shock as it’s very expensive. However if it brings a few chuckles to the grandkids it’s worth it. I added a jar of peanut butter as I read it’s very expensive in Japan and Nick plus the kids are crazy over it.

I also saw on one of the YouTube channels I like about Japan that fruit can cost hundreds of dollars per piece. In the “luxury tier” a musk melon can go for around $200. Special mangoes sell for $50 to $100 for a pair of them. I feel better when I see that and realize how much money I would save if I lived in Japan.

Every time I leave Osoyoos I fill the trunk with items for thrift. Now when I go to shop with Elsa I see all kinds of items that used to be Mom’s. A very nice person sent me a message on my Fruitcake Facebook page saying they’d found some type of plaque with Mom’s name on it, so had Googled her and were fascinated by all that she accomplished in her life.

I know, it seems heartless to get rid of all of that kind of stuff, but trust me, I kept all of the “good accolades.” That includes the Order of BC and her Jubilee Medals from the Queen which were awarded for volunteerism.

So now when people say so are you enjoying your free time without all the things you had to do for your Mom, I reply steely-eyed, “you have no idea.”

Mom’s Quite the Handful

May29

One thing I do not do is run into the house when I hear the phone ringing and I’m out working in the garden. I don’t like talking on the phone as it is, but when I’m interrupted by something like “Did you just phone me?” asked by a 100-year-old, it gets maddening. As you may recall, Luke installed a Tapo camera in Mom’s living area, so I can see the phone ringing when I call her. Her phone then says, “M. Schiller” a few times as it’s ringing. So then I ask mom, did the phone say it was me? No? Then no, I didn’t call you.

And if it was just useless questions being asked constantly, it’d be fine, but Mom’s crabby streak has caused her nighttime caregiver to give notice, so now Jan’s going to take over sleeping there. Poor Jan. She’s the least favourite person on mom’s list. I guess everyone has a burden to bear when caring for a centenarian.

Margaret came for the long weekend, and we went down to Osoyoos to party around with Luke and Jan, and of course Mom. Though cranky, she easily drinks her .5 litre of wine and eats her two Ritter Sport chocolate bars a night. Margaret’s not used to our lifestyle and was hungover the first day but then got with the program and managed to hold her own and still feel okay the second day.

I was raised to loathe and fear teetotallers, so drinking is just what Schillers do. Growing up, people who didn’t drink were spoken of as the world’s stupidest bores, so who wouldn’t want to drink for God’s sake? I believe the secret to it is keeping it to a dull roar to avoid damage.

Sunny and Julie and their families came for brunch, as did Denis so there were 14 of us. At the last minute Mom decided she was too sick and went to bed for a couple of hours. Then came out and seemed fine. I made a particularly delicious breakfast casserole, made with croissants instead of bread. Everyone seemed to like all of it, plus fruit salad, ambrosia salad, pound cake and marshmallow and chocolate squares.

It was nice to get back home, and Margaret and I had time for a couple of hours of thrift store shopping on Tuesday before she flew home. Then two days later Elsa and I returned for more treasure hunting, and I felt fab finding a Fossil handbag for $10. So much better than the several hundred the original owner paid.

And on Sunday, June 1, I will have lived in this lovely house for 35 years! Isn’t that great? And due to the awful thrift store hobby, I can’t move, so this is it until I’m hauled out feet first. Watching Mom age is certainly scary, and I can see it takes a lot of courage to get that old, but I’ll just have to cross that bridge when I get to it. If I do, right?  Putin could take us out with a nuclear bomb tomorrow.

Hence my philosophy of not worrying, which I try to employ even though it can be difficult. When I was in Germany, I learned so much by staying with dear Hannelore, mom’s cousin who is 92. We spent every morning and evening talking about all manner of things, and one thing she stressed was not trying to predict the future and to just let it all come upon you.

And when you think of it, there’s nothing we can do except try our best to remind ourselves how fortunate we are. My problems are small: broody hens, a centenarian, clutter, an insatiable appetite for trashy YouTube videos and incurable evening snacking.  Okay, add vodka and there you have it.

The World Is Too Much with Us

Mar4

Do you know that poem by Wordsworth, one of my favourite poets? It seems appropriate now to say the world IS too much with us given we’re all addicted to YouTube suddenly and any bits of news from the maniac south of us. As a result, I woke up at 3:45 and decided at 5:00 AM to just get up as it became obvious, I wouldn’t be doing anymore sleeping. I wonder if billions of us are feeling the disruption.

I look southwest from my dining room window, so I guess I’ll have an excellent view of any mushroom clouds. It’s awful to think of that but with a dangerous moron leading the country that’s trying to take us over, all kinds of dark things come to mind. Thankfully I’m able to distract myself with practicalities such as dying my hair, which I’m doing as I type.

Mom’s 100th birthday went well, and she enjoyed all of the attention. I made her favourite rum cake into which I was able to get the entire 26er of booze this time. Sometimes I simply cannot get the cake to drink the entire bottle but this time, working slowly, I was able to coax it in. We like to eat it with lashings of whipped cream.

I picked our pal Jim up at the airport and he immediately had two dachshunds plopped on his lap. As I say to people if you don’t like that, just sit in the back seat. But he was fine with it, and we then stayed at mom’s for three nights and had a lot of fun with Luke and Jan.

Jim was on and on about how he needs to lose weight, despite being the size of a stick, and I said to him I weigh the same as I did when I was 18 and actually am five pounds lighter than when I got married. He said wow. I said yeah, wow, nothing. The secret is being quite heavy at 18 and even heavier when you marry, and then if you lose weight, you can parrot that line and make people mad.

I’m now enjoying the hell of trying to vote for the new Liberal leader. I say enjoy as I imagine other Liberal Boomers with no tenant in their basement who have a bachelor’s degree in computer science. I had to call Calvin up here just to do the very first step, and even our friend Jim who’s very computer savvy was freaking out as he wasn’t able to do it but then figured it out. Can’t wait to see of the 400,000 Liberals, how many were able to crack the code and managed to vote.

I completed the draft of my memoir and sent the 49,700 word document to my beleaguered editor, Judith. It’s quite a lazy thing to do, which is to pay the poor woman to read this and then I’ll work on the edits she suggests. I could’ve done much more of that prior to sending it but trust me when I say one can only re-read a fruitcake memoir so many times, and no one is paying me to do that.

Bored? Watch the Honeymoon Crasher on Netflix, it’s very funny. Just 90 minutes and so easy to watch and doesn’t require a lot of thought. As you know I’m not normal when it comes to Love is Blind, so am now waiting for the wedding show which is on Friday. Who will say I do? Who will have their little heart broken?

And speaking of which, I guess instead of being heartsick over the world going to hell in a handbasket, one should probably try to find the silver lining in all of it. To whit: Canadians have never been more patriotic, and I certainly have no intentions of travelling south any time soon.