Imagine my shock and horror to find a dead chicken in the coop. I told Calvin and he came out and retrieved the body and put it somewhere for a coyote to find. The poor hen! I felt so bad, and then today I was really pondering what could’ve killed that otherwise healthy chicken.

The only thing I could think of that might be weird are the horseradish leaves I sometimes give them. I’ve done this before, and nothing happened, however when I googled them it turns out they’re toxic to chickens! Therefore, I killed one of my own hens.

Now we’re down to five so I want to get three more, so we have a decent flock of eight. I just love them, and look forward to getting more of them, and now know how not to kill them. I told the nice chicken owner down the road, and she was so kind to reply that she accidentally killed a baby goat with cherry leaves, and said the vet told her it’s a common way for livestock owners to learn.

Another unpleasant surprise I received was an email from Telus telling me my mobility account was overdue. I don’t have a mobility phone, however mom does, so I soon figured out this was her new phone system. To add insult Telus charges extra for overdue accounts, however I didn’t know I had one, and when I went to My Telus, there was no service agreement either. What a strange company.

As a result of the overdue account, mom’s phone will be cut off on July 1^st. I’m still waiting for a Telus rep to explain the bill to me, as I see mom’s Visa is also being billed. However, if you know anything at all about ‘communications’ companies, you know no human being there gives a rat’s ass about a 99-year-old blind mom with no phone.

I’ve spoken to nice representatives in the Philippines who try to sell me more Telus products at the end of the unproductive call, but to no avail. Remember the old days when you’d walk into an office with a piece of paper, and people were able to comprehend what the problem was within a few minutes and solve it? I miss those days.

But more importantly, I’m googling whether or not butter cream icing freezes (it does!) as I’m cooking and baking ahead of the gala event at mom’s mid July. If mom’s still alive we’re celebrating her being in her 100^th year, and me turning 70. If she dies prior to the event, it will be a memorial for mom, same party for me.

I’ve rented plates and glasses as no one wants to wash that many dishes, and I have quite a few people pitching in to help. It’s a two-day event though, so I’m counting maybe 20 people for dinner on Friday, and 50 for the big event on Saturday. Many people would collapse under the weight of that, but I love it. I should’ve been a caterer.

My collection of musings from my 15 years of newsletter writing, called Okay, I’ll Bite, is now in the final formatting stages, and then apparently there’s a formula on the Kindle Direct Publishing page whereby it calculates how much to charge for your book. I’d like to do both an e book and a hard copy as my illustrator’s done such a nice job of it.

And now summer begins, and I shall try my best to focus only on the positive. Telus be damned.

I was both shocked and elated to find out the Hall Road area has been designated a “no-growth” zone by the City. Right beside me a developer had wanted to put in a subdivision with 16 homes, but with this designation, he can’t. My view is saved, along with the coyote dens that are on that land.

Then today I was shocked and maddened to hear from my pal Lorraine who lives on Manhattan Drive that the City is trying to buy up all of those homes, level them, and turn that into a park. As they had just built this house a few years ago, Lorraine said she doesn’t want to move, plus who would buy the house knowing the City will eventually get you out anyway?

I just find the City’s decisions to be quite fascinating. The old heritage area downtown has been designated for densification. Of all areas in Kelowna, this is filled with lovely old homes on large, landscaped lots. Now they’ll have to put up with carriage houses and perhaps the destruction of some single-family homes for small apartment buildings.

As there’s not one single thing anyone can do about these things, I keep my mind on the things I might be able to control. These appear to be few and far between as well, given on the latest “treasure hunt” with Elsa I came home with yet another oil painting.

Another thing out of my control is poor old mom and her declining health. The other day the care aide found her on the ground and had to call the paramedics to help get her up. Luke and Jan are also available at times, though both work, and so I’ve decided to come weekly now as mom’s in such bad shape. However, she’ll likely keep on ticking, knowing mom.

Do you recall how I used to like saying Stephen Colbert’s band leader Jon Batiste was my boyfriend? He’s moved on, as have I. I’m now madly in love with Trump’s former lawyer Michael Cohen. I have never in my life experienced such heady potty mouth as Michael’s. When I met Denis on a blind date, and I realized he swore with every other word, I knew this was the guy for me. We married soon after.

When Michael calls someone a “f.ing putz” I swoon. I notice when I go on tirades people blanche a bit, and I think it’s because I look so f. ing innocent. Ha ha. They’re not used to hearing such colourful descriptions coming from such a sweet old lady. Though at the Puerto Vallarta airport I met the loveliest young woman of English descent who had no problems with the term I used to describe a person who irritated me.

I believe I can trace it back to my gramma. She suffered from potty mouth, though it was all in German. I learned absolutely hilarious Schwabian expressions as a child and just thought that was a normal way of speaking. I sure miss my gramma.

One thing I’m surprised and happy to be able to report that I was able to control, was my food intake. I’ve now lost ten pounds since January, and I did it largely by following the Weight Watchers diet though I didn’t join as so much of it is available on-line. I couldn’t control my cocktail intake, though, and still lost weight, so I say, “bottoms up.”